Sexual Prime...What's up with that?

Where am I?

2008-04-30T09:08:00.002-05:00

Holy shit! I have not been here for over a year! That's sad. I had to struggle to remember my password and how to even post. I just figured if Scummy could make an appearance, then so could I. Let me get my shit together and I will update everyone on the last year of my life. So much has changed!! Okay, well maybe nothing has really changed, but I'm happier and less bitter now and have a good man in my life. Yay me! I have been missing everyone! Talk to ya real soon!!

Who knows!

2007-02-19T11:40:00.000-06:00

I have completely lost my drive to blog! Mind you....this has nothing to do with my sex drive. I am just bored with talking about my life and need a new direction....so I am going to take a break and see what happens. I hope to still visit you guys now and then and try to keep up, but I just dont know. Miss me!!

Happy VD!

2007-02-14T08:16:00.001-06:00

The holiday not made for single people. This day sucks....have a great one!

HNT break and weekend recap

2007-02-08T14:02:00.000-06:00

I have decided not to do HNT until I get in shape (which could be never), but I am doing really good!

I am back to myself today.....yesterday was weird....must have been a freaky hormone thing. So, let me tell you about last weekend. I started in Salina on Friday night(of course) so I could relieve some tension before going to KC. My man had been sucker punched by some black guy the night before I got there and had to have stitches in his lip. It was huge! We didn't go out because he didn't want to be seen....he's just vain like that. Why is it all the good lookin ones gotta get their faces messed up? damn! Anyway, he took a pain killer and got loopy for a couple hours, so of course I fucked with him....it was funny!
Saturday, Sierra and I headed to KC and had lunch with my birth Dad. It was fun and she got to hang out with her cousins for a little bit. Then we went to a huge arcade....side note: Hot guys go there....who knew! We did some shopping and ate at the Rainforest Cafe. That place is so cool, it's an animated jungle. Eventually, we ended up at Pearl's new house(adorable I might add). Sierra babysat her daughter while we went out. I must have danced a lot at the bar, cuz I was pretty sore the next day. We all went to an after party at Gay Flash's house and I stayed(and drank) until 6am. There was all kinds of fun...including drunkin 4 wheeling, arm wrestling, midget lesbianism, and freakin the cat out. Good times!
Sunday....holy hell, I rolled outta bed still drunk I think and had to do the entertain the kid thing. We tried to go to the IMAX cuz they were showing Happy Feet, but when we got there(after getting lost), they were showing some stupid elephant thing. So we bought some shit in the gift store and headed on our next adventure. We had decided to go ice skating, but Sierra wanted to go back to my Dad's and play with her cousin....so I grabbed an energy drink and a cappucino and we headed out. I left her at my Dad's and I went back to Pearl's thinking we were going to party some more for superbowl....nope, everyone was still draggin like old folks from the night before. PBC and Annabel were sick, so I didn’t even get to see them *tear* and SHS had to work. I did hang with Scumbag though and his baby loved me….naturally. She is so damn cute….we totally bonded. I tried to snuggle with Scummy on the couch, but was denied….he’s such a tease! I think next time I better get him drunk…..or maybe it was the fact his wife was there….hhmmm. Anyway, I enjoyed every minute of the trip and I want to send a big hug and kiss and thank you to Scott and Pearl!!
I have some news that may shock and awe some of you….I am polish. Yes, I said it…..I am POLISH. I just found out for the first time this weekend that my Dad is ¾ polish. That makes me……well….a shit load polish. So, bring on the jokes….I’m ready!

Tough Hump day

2007-02-07T13:42:00.000-06:00

I wasn't going to post today because I am very busy at work and also emotional.....but, since this is my online place to let things out I'm gonna let it out. I had a great time over the weekend and I will get to that eventually. The thing that has been on my mind the last couple days is what direction my life is going. I thought I was perfectly happy being single and alone until I spent Superbowl Sunday in KC and realized I was the only non-couple there. For the first time in a long time....it was depressing. Am I ready to date? When would I have time? How do I do it? All these questions are plaguing me. I don't have the first clue anymore how I would even start a relationship. All I know how to do is catch the guy....not keep him....cuz I have not wanted to. Shit! This is like the most vulnerable I have ever been on my blog....and it's not pretty. I'm gonna go look around for some pill that might snap me out of this! I promise to come back later and be my non-mental self again. Later!

I'm participating!

2007-02-02T09:03:00.000-06:00

It's fuck you Friday....and all I have to say is FUCK YOU COX! Our internet has been up and down all damn week, making my job a nightmare. Today we are only at 50%, so it's slow as fuck! We finally have a technician coming out between 10am and next year.

On a happy note.....it's Friday and I am leaving town tonight! WOOHOO!! I will be staying in Salina this evening with some friends....and partying. Then I will be staying at Pearl's Saturday night.....and partying. Then, I will be staying at Pearl's again Sunday night.....and....yep, SUPERBOWL PARTY! I know Sierra is going with me, but that's the great thing about having a Dad so close to the action. Her and I can do the fun family shit in the day and then I can still have my nights for play time. I just hope I still get in the car and come back! Speaking of cars.....mine is in the shop being fixed and she won't be done in time to take her....so I am stuck with a tiny little foreign POS to drive all weekend. Yes, that's better than nothing....so I am not complaining...AND, I get unlimited milage with my rental insurance....whoot!

I am sticking with my exercise! I went last night and pushed myself to pain once again....and I am liking it. I wonder if that's a sick sexual thing I need to explore. Ha! Anyway, have a great weekend guys and I will talk to ya on TMI Tuesday.

Time for a change!

2007-01-30T14:02:00.000-06:00

This whole being fat and old(er) thing has taken it's toll. I am finally fed up with the image that stares me in the mirror each morning! So what do I do? I get all gun-ho and over-do it. What an idiot! Last night after work I went to my daughters basketball practice. As soon as I get there the other 2 coaches decide we need to split up and scrimmage. Shit, I ran my ass off. Then I went to the gym and took a class called zoomba. It's like going to a club and dancing some major hip-hop and salsa combined. I was a sweaty mess when I left there. THEN, I played 3 games of volleyball about 9pm before crawling into a hot bath. I woke up a hurtin unit today! I took a walk this morning, so I am feeling better, but tonight is going to be a rest night. I am gonna take it easy on the weights Wednesday and hit it hard on Thursday again before going out of town....where I know I won't do shit but drink. Athough I have promised my daughter ice skating....that is exercise right? I will prolly come home with a broken something or other....but hey, at least I will have something to blog about!

Happy Kansas Day!

2007-01-29T11:05:00.000-06:00

Yea, I know that doesn't mean shit to most of you, but we here in Kansas.......well, okay it doesn't mean shit to us either, unless you are in grade school. So, here is my 7 year old, Emma....very excited about being Dorothy for Kansas Day at school. She is so damn gorgeous!! If you don't know who Dorothy is....crawl out from under your rock, cuz I'm not tellin ya. I don't get the day off, so it's not a real holiday.

It was a good weekend. Mostly cleaned and did kid stuff and that was fine by me. I went to a Freshman basketball game Friday night and sat with my friend who is the cheerleading coach and we made fun of her little freshman girls....okay, not nice, but they are little bitches. My 12 year old and 2 of her friends got on their Panther gear and went to support the basketball team. My daughter Sierra is in the middle with the WHAT on her forehead(it could say worse...so I'm not complaining). It really was a good game, our boys won 39 to 37. Aside from that excitement, it was just another weekend.

Have a Happy Monday and a good week, who knows when I will be back!

The weekend is really here?

2007-01-26T09:15:00.000-06:00

I know it's only the Friday of this weekend...but damn, I'm totally getting excited about the weekend after! Why, you ask? Well, #1 it's superbowl weekend. #2 I am going to KC fuckers! I will be hanging and drinking with several members of the old Wedding Party. Remember them? of course you do....the fowl mouthed, obscene, devient, wild, drunk bunch from back in the day! There will be mayhem to be enjoyed by all. The only hitch is that I have decided to take my 12 year old. I asked her to go thinking that she would opt to stay with her dad, but please....I'm way more fun anyway. It will be good for us to have some alone time together anyway. Pretty soon, I won't be cool anymore (yea right) and she won't have anything to do with me. So, we are going to plan some fun things while in the big city. I am thinking ice skating and a dinner theatre would be fun. I can't really take her to the bars yet....even though she is taller than Annabell(sorry....love you!). I have never drank in front of my kids, so she will prolly stay with my birth dad while festivities are ensuing. On the other hand, it might be good for her to see what drunkin idiots act like...hhhmmm...no. All in all, it should be great fun!!
Have a lovely weekend.....bitches!

TMI Tuesday

2007-01-23T09:53:00.000-06:00

I had a great weekend....what about you? Since this is my journal, it's about me, so I will go first! I headed out of town against my better judgment cuz the roads were crappy....but I didn't want a night alone with BOB. I had a double date with my new man Dom and my friend Liz and her boy Chris. We were going to do a movie and all that usual date shit, but since it was nasty outside, we went to Chris’s and played poker and drank beer. Chris and Dom live in the same building (convenient)! After we got tired of cards and we had a good buzz going, Liz pulled out Nina Hartley’s instructional porn on female ejaculation. It was the funniest shit ever! My gut still hurts from laughing so hard. We just slipped in a lot of our own dialogue and laughed when Nina would taste the girls squirting and say “It’s not pee”. It was fucking hilarious!! I stayed as long as I could on Sunday and we got along great. He is one of the sexiest guys I have dated in a long time. I might try and keep him around. He has only been divorced for under a year, so I doubt we will go very far…..but I think what I can get out of it will be worth the experience!!

Almost the weekend!

2007-01-19T09:27:00.000-06:00

It was a pretty damn uneventful week. Whew! I have a date Saturday night and I am totally stoked....we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours last night....my ear is still numb. Hopefully I can report on Monday that it went well.....or I killed him....either way, pure entertainment!

I came across this game and had to link it, it's the funniest shit ever! I had the chick humping every ball she landed on....good times!

HALF NAKED BITCH FALLING

Have a great weekend ya'll and FUCK YOU FRIDAY!

Halfway

2007-01-17T08:36:00.000-06:00

At least this work week is half over! I really have not accomplished anything this week. Oh, I did run the new dishwasher....whoopiteedo. I also ran my daughters basketball practice Monday. We have a great group of girls.....except for 1 and she only shows up on game days and she sucks really bad. I feel sorry for her cuz she is as thick as a shoe string and always has clothes on 3 sizes to big. Her hair is always dirty and you can't touch her to pat her on the back for a good job. Makes me wonder what her home life is like....argh! Anyway, that's about it....really, what a drag. I am battling with the 7 year old about going to bed and getting up in the morning...she doesn't want to do either. It sucks, cuz now I am going to have to punish her if she keeps it up, I won't argue anymore. I sprayed her down with the squirt bottle this morning. She has her Dad's temper, so that was fun and made for a cheerful morning. Hope everyone has a great hump day!!

It's not a holiday!

2007-01-15T11:31:00.000-06:00

I am working...so screw all of you that have the day off. That was a sweet opener, eh?
I had a great weekend! Is that better? I really did too. I got tanked 2 nights and didn't wake up with a hang-over. I think I am almost ready for the Superbowl, but I might need to train up a bit for one more weekend.
My car is actually running okay so far. I can't get it in the shop til the 26th. I took it out of town and partied at the bar on Friday night. I had a blast and danced with my bad knee anyway...no pain after a few drinks. Psycho Fred was at the bar, so I pretty much avoided him til the end of the night when he asked me to go home with him...well, I figure once you have been there...what the hell. Yes, I know....whore! You would have done it too! BTW, the pillow thing worked...for those of you that pay attention.
Saturday was way different. My friend Steph woke me up from a much needed nap(bitch) so we could go out in the country and get ready for the party. Her best friend Shannon was having a barn party for her husband's birthday. It was a lot of fun, but there was a wood burning stove that made it about a million degrees in there. When I would go outside to pee, I swear there was steam coming off my hot ass! By about 11, I had kicked everyone's ass in Ping Pong and had all that I could handle from the heat and cold and a strange guy named Eddy that followed me around all night. I headed to the bar for a break. When I got there I found Steph's husband there with his buddy. They had left the party early to go to the strip club and were in big trouble....so we all just got drunk together to forget about it. No, I was not being a bad friend, Steph did not want to leave the party! Anyway, it was fun and we got back there about 2am and partied til 5am. The crazy thing was that I woke up in Shannon's little boys play room in a bed about 4 inches from the ceiling. How I got my fat, hurt ass up there, I have no idea, but I debated whether to get down to go to the bathroom, or just pee the bed and blame the boy....I did choose option 1!
On Sunday before I headed home I got a call from the guy I met on New Years. I really had not planned on hearing from him....and was a little scared cuz I couldn't really remember what he looked like...ugh! He asked me over to watch some football with him and his buddy, so I figured it couldn't hurt anything. When I got there he was standing in the laundry room and DAMN....he was cute. He had a wife beater on and looked like a sexy bad boy. I need to totally market my beer goggles, they work great!
There were lots of pictures taken Saturday night, so when I get them I will try and post some...if they are G rated.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!!

This bleep bleeping day sucks!!

2007-01-11T09:46:00.000-06:00

I wrecked my new car! Yep, leave it to me to take my first new expensive thing and tear it up. I'm like a little kid....I should not have nice things, ugh! Anyway, I was taking my daughter home from school and a car came out of nowhere (that's always the excuse) and slammed into me in the intersection. Then the fucker took off....so yes, it's a hit and run too. You will never guess who was driving it.....bingo....scumbag got it right, it was a mexican. Chingow!
I am hoping that helps me with the insurance company. My 12 year old was in the passenger seat and is not hurt in the least....my kids ALWAY wear their seat belts. I am fine too, I smacked my knee on the bottom of the dash, but I will live.....just have to stay off my knees this weekend.....damn! If I wasn't 8 fucking feet tall in a sardine can, this would not have been an issue. "Big girl in a little car" sing it with me Tommy Boy! I dropped it at the shop this morning and they are going to look at it to make sure it is drivable. I will look pretty ghetto for a while, but at least I can still get where I need to go.
~Peace out

UPDATE: They found the mexican lady that hit me, she now has a ticket. She does not have a license, but does have an insurance card......if it's valid...who knows?

Hump Day!

2007-01-10T10:50:00.000-06:00

Well, we are halfway to the weekend! Last weekend was fun, but I am totally hoping for a better one this coming weekend. I met a new friend in Salina through my friend Steph, the last couple times I have been there. She is nice and I told her she should come to my town sometime. She said "Sure how about next weekend". Holy shit, who does that? So, of course I would have felt bad if I told her I just pulled that outta my ass. I had my girls for the weekend, so she showed up Friday and we just hung out. On Saturday night, I took my girls to my Mom's for the night so K and I could go out. Lisa came over and brought vodka. I was just so damn excited she finally had a night off. Lisa and I don’t get much time together, so I get all giddy when I see her! We made a few drinks and K was already acting goofy. She has a major obsession with her phone and it started to irritate me. Why go out of town to visit people if you are going to text and call everyone from home the whole time.....it was just weird. There is a little behind this...She had weight loss surgery and has lost 115 pounds, so she is starting a new life and getting attention from guys for the first time......so she does need some friends that can help her with her "game". I have decided that will be my roll. I love fixing people up and making them happy. It's like having a live Barbie. Anyway, the night was fun...I ended up sitting her at a table with a friend cuz she was too drunk to do anything else and refused to leave. By the end of the night K felt a little better and had managed to get a guy interested. He took her back to my house and stayed...ugh. Oh well, at least she is exploring her new found sexuality!

Yay for Fridays!!

2007-01-05T13:15:00.000-06:00

Today is a much better day....although I am sad about the Wedding Party blog...damn! Scum......I will be calling you!

So, I guess I missed the whole New Year's Eve post, but that's okay....I can give you the condensed version. The picture is me and Steph.....my party buddy.
5-5:30pm drank a botttle of champaigne at Steph's and started on another one.....I thought I better slow down so I switched to Peach schnapps until we went to supper.
7-8:30pm Ate at a great Italian spot and took it easy so I wouldn't be too full. Did put down some bread though (good thinkin'!)
8:30-10:00pm bar hopped and then went to a friends....drank 2 rum/cokes and a red bull vodka....see, I'm pacing myself.
10:00-2:00am Danced, drank (7 rum/cokes, another red bull vodka, and 4 shots), still pacing myself. Kissed 5 guys and 2 girls at midnight......no tongue! Okay, a lil' tongue with one of the guys!
2:00-4:00am Party on and Breakfast at Steph's house....good times
4:00-5:00am No way your gettin details on this hour! Happy New Year!

I am trying something new here. This is my first ever short video. I know it is dark, sorry about that, but I had to start somewhere. It is my dog Sabrina opening a Christams present from my mom....yea, my mom does weird shit like that. Notice Sabrina head butt the cat away from her gift and also no laughing at my scroungy looking kids.

So, I hope you all have a great weekend and I will talk to ya soon!

WHY?

2007-01-04T14:43:00.000-06:00

My plan was to write a happy post about New Years and all things good in life, but this week has kept going down hill each day. The first bummer was the fact that I didn't get the job I applied for. I decided I should not be upset cuz it came down to me and another guy and he had WAY more experience and qualifications than I did and I did get complimented immensely on my resume.....still, I could have used a bump in pay. I always figure things happen for a reason, so I'm not dwelling on it. Moving on.....Aunt Flo came to visit...TMI....hate that! Then, this morning one of the girls that works for my company came in and asked if I had heard what happened at the house across from my childhood home. I was like "huh"? She said that the guy that lived across the street got drunk and hit a pedestrian and then went home. When the police got to his house, he pulled a gun and shot one of the cops and they shot back, but they are doing an investigation and he may have turned his gun on himself. The pedestrian is fine, the cop had new bullet armor on so he is fine.....the shooter is dead. You may be wondering why all of this is relevant. Well, the shooter happens to be a kid close to my heart. As some of you know.....I used to lifeguard and teach swim instruction for about 7 years. This kid(little Jim Bob) was one of my poolies. That's what I called the kids that were there everyday, all day and did whatever it took to get my attention. I just loved all of them.....they were ususally the kids that got in trouble and had to sit by my chair and also usually had a crappy home life. Jim Bob had a really rough home life. He lived with just his Dad who was a raging alcoholic and would smack him around a bit when he felt the need. He was about 10 the first year I met him. I followed what was going on with him a little as the years went by and he got himself into trouble quite a bit with drugs and fighting and stuff, but the last few years he had really made a turn around. He got married to a beautiful sweet girl and they had a set of boy/girl twins. The little boy is a total mini me of Jim Bob....so cute!! Well, the saddest thing in the whole deal is the fact that his twins are only 2 years old and they will never know him and his wife has to raise them on her own. Wow, that is depressing as hell.
On a good note....someone just walked by and asked if I had lost weight...oh happy day. I promise to make my next post more readable! Take care and hug your kids if you got em!!

Happy New Year!

2007-01-02T08:29:00.000-06:00

Good morning you tired bitches! I finally had an awesome new year night!! That's the first in a really long time. I hope it is a sign of good things to cum....heh! Anyway, I'm not awake and have payroll to do, so I will post soon....and maybe have a picture of my friend and I....before we were toasted!

I'm a slacker!

2006-12-28T15:15:00.000-06:00

I took Tuesday off just to be a bum. Yay for me! I am now tired and brain dead....so here goes what's been happenin...
Went out last Friday with Lisa and her sister. We dressed real purdy in skirts and dresses. We were some sexy bitches I have to say. Did a lot of bar hopin and were having a good time. I was the sober driver, so I got to make fun of the other 2....good times. All was great until about midnight when I started getting texted by the man. He was drunk and of course going mental about how I should be there and not with my best friend cuz I can see her anytime, so it ruined the rest of my night. Saturday I drove to his town to do some shopping and then went by to talk to him. I broke it off. I just couldn't handle the drama. So, I went out with a couple of my friends there and ended up having a good time. I stayed sober and danced my ass off. If I did that every weekend, I might actually get my ass in shape. I got asked by a different guy on every song, it was totally crazy. I think it was the shirt I was wearing, it made me look like I had boobs and lots of cleavage, I should have saved it for New Years! Anyway, that’s about it. I don’t have much family, so I had a quiet Christmas with my girls, my mom and my aunt. It was nice and of course my kids got everything they wanted. I think I am gonna look for a guy with siblings so I can marry into a bigger family. They should make a catalog for things like that….you know….a man catalog. Hhhmmmm, maybe that could be my new money making scheme.

Sorry no HNT, I can't find the computer cord for my camera.

Christmas is over!

2006-12-27T13:34:00.000-06:00

This is what I asked for...

This is what I got...

Beggers can't be choosers! Happy New Year. I will write as soon as I can!
BTW, I am back to being completely single! YAYYY!

HNT at long last!

2006-12-21T13:06:00.000-06:00

I have no idea how I could ever get caught up on here, so I guess I just have to talk about current news on the Weed homefront. Yes, I am still dating the mental patient(let's call him Fred to protect the innocent). It is turning out to be quite interesting. I think I have told you he lives an hour away, so I don't have to deal with him constantly being in my space or coming over. That's the best way to date me anyway.....keep your distance.....he he. I drove up there last Friday night and he was tired, so I went out with the girls. That was a hoot. There was a new bar that opened up and it was a Coyote Ugly wanna be, where the girls danced on the bar to scripted dances. It was very entertaining watching them concentrate hard to remember the moves and not fall off the bar. Come to find out, the lesbians took over this bar. I guess they needed a place to call their own and the owner is a dike. It was good fun! Then we went to the country bar.....good times. There, the 6 of us decided to play a game called "who can get the cutest guy to ask us home with him". Well, of course I was up for the challenge. I probably should have thought the whole boyfriend thing through, but a dare is a dare.....what the hell. It took me all of an hour and he was begging for my phone number.....what a drag, not much of a challenge. Anyway, I left the bar early to head to Fred's place and see if he was done being tired, plus I was horny. Well, I got the "you have been drinking and I care too much about you to have sex" speech. I mean really....who says that anymore? So, I leave without sex, but a warm feeling in my heart (gag). All of a sudden now things have been turned up a notch. I am supposed to commit and he cares so much and blah, blah. If he tells me he loves me this weekend, I will bitch slap him! I'm am so positive....geez what is wrong with me?
Okay, enough on that. I have been a bad girl and not taken any pics in a long time. So, I was playing with my cell phone and took these. How did I get the bubble picture you ask and why was my phone in the bathroom? Well, very carefully....and don't ask! Happy HNT and Merry Christmas everyone!!

Aaachoooo!

2006-12-20T09:11:00.000-06:00

I have been home with a sick kid for 2 days. Sorry ya'll, I'll come see you as soon as I can.

"Dumbass" Part One

2006-12-15T16:10:00.000-06:00

So, now that I am back in the dating scene, you get to hear man stories. Yippee for you, I know your excited....hold it down. Well, I know everything I am gonna say is gonna sound negative, but come on....it's not like I am dating my future husband. I mean.....everyone needs the rebound guy right. I picked me a good one! We are texting on the phone last night while he was out drinking with his buddies. Things are going along great and of course we are talking about sex and....no just sex. All of a sudden I get a "lose my number and forget about me". Holy hell, where did this come from? Why is it I pick the crazy unstable ones? So after a few more texts and an "I don't want to talk to you in person", I give up and go to bed. Well, this morning everything is supposed to be all normal like nothing happened and he is sorry cuz he was drunk. OMG, what a freak! Good thing he lives an hour away. The relationship just went from me possibly liking him....to it being only about sex now(cuz he is so damn cute).....until his next episode of course. Wow......that's all I can say.

Where am I??

2006-12-13T08:20:00.000-06:00

This place seems strange....but familiar somehow. I have been in a fog of work and it's time to clear the air. I miss everyone so much. Let's get back in touch....okay, I just want you to touch me, but either way touching is always good!
I will give you the shortest and least detailed version of what I have been up to that I can. You know how long winded I can be.
So, I did get a new car….YAYY! I got a silver, 2006 PT Cruiser Limited with a moon roof. Okay, so the guys are laughing and the girls are saying “how cute”. It doesn’t matter, I am going to detail that bitch until the guys cum at the sight of her. I also got a hot man in the meantime….but who knows how long that will last. He already wants a commitment after a few weeks….please! My 1 year anniversary of being divorced is in just a few short days. Do you really think I want to start that all over again? I also missed my 1 year blogging anniversary last month, so Happy late anniversary Blogger…..I got you nothing….deal with it!
Let’s see….I quit drinking (for this week) cuz I went out last Saturday night and started at a toy party, then male strippers, then a bar and then puking at home, it’s blurry in between. I should not have started at 6pm with rum and no supper…..idiot! Side note: Strippers were fucking hot!!! That’s rare in these parts. Usually they are short and gross. Anyway, I’m shutting up now so I can visit everybody and see what ya’ll have been up to. Merry Christmas!!

That's what I get.

2006-11-13T16:20:00.000-06:00

I thought things might slow down this week, but fuck if I was wrong. I guess we will see what tomorrow brings. I actually miss blogging....it's a sickness.

Hello? Anyone out there?

2006-11-01T16:29:00.000-06:00

I hope you all had a great Halloween! I am not going to take the blog down, I will just not post much and not be able to visit for a while. I don't want to loose everyone's addresses and comments and everything. So I will just take a break.

If anyone that reads this knows Flash really well. Please e-mail me, I am having serious scripting issues with some sound and movie clips in a project I am working on. Thanks! meganzjunk@hotmail.com

I had such a fun weekend last weekend, so I may have to share pictures from that and Halloween pictures too. Miss everyone much!

Sorry!

2006-10-27T10:07:00.000-05:00

I will probably be taking my blog down soon. I'm just too busy lately and not feelin' it. I really miss everyone!!

Big changes

2006-10-25T08:24:00.000-05:00

I have been away for a few days. I am now moved into a new office and away from most of the stupid people I had to deal with. YAYYYY! I am also test driving new vehicles....so hopefuly I will be able to get my ass into one of those without having to give up my first born. I can't believe how expensive that shit is. Anyway, sorry for the absence, maybe I will get time to make house calls today and see what you all have been up to.

Sporadic HNT

2006-10-19T13:23:00.000-05:00

Happy HNT! I am calling this my "Blue Faze". I guess it's for all you Star Trek and Star Wars fetish freaks that like those freaky blue alien women. Or for those of you who fuck dead people....they turn blue don't they? Anyway, it's so damn cold here....they just may turn blue on their own.

Not your drama...

2006-10-17T08:38:00.000-05:00

Things in my town were very steamy yesterday and I think at least 30% of our white trash population showed up at for a meeting of several of the City officials to discuss a possible smoking ban for the entire town. It was hilarious to hear what those dumb fucks had to say! It was not necesarily the point they were trying to make, but how they went about it. I think they thought if they acted tough and redneck that they would bully the officials into voting against it. One really hairy, scroungy guy with his fat wife in a 1980's see-through t-shirt said "Maybe I will light up in here, what are they gonna do about it" as he was leaving. I'm not a violent person, but don't think I wouldn't slap a cigarette out of someones mouth that lights up right in front of me in a business that they have no smoking posted all over in! I hate attitudes like that. I am a non-smoker (because smokers smell bad) so I actually don't really give a shit which way this thing goes, but I do believe the business owner should have the right to decide if he wants to allow people to smoke in his establishment.....at least until smoking is outlawed. People have thier own choice as to whether they want to frequent that place of business.

Oh yea!

2006-10-16T10:02:00.000-05:00

I followed through! I did all the things that I have been missing out on lately. I went out and got completely hammered. I was crude, blunt and bold and I even got laid. Yay for me....I am no longer the tense, edgy bitch I have been the past few weeks. That's really all you get for details....so there! Have a great Monday!!

Gone soft?

2006-10-13T09:52:00.000-05:00

It's Friday....and you know what that means? FUCK YOU! Yea, you heard me right! I was accused of going soft this morning, so I started thinking......."Megan, have you gone soft you sexy bitch"? All the activities of the past month went flying through my head and I realized….SHIT, you are. I have barely been going out…..I haven’t had any stray sex....I can't remember the last time I was just totally incoherent hammered......and I even find myself being nice to stupid guys that give me stupid ass pick-up lines at the bar. Fuck that! I am going back to my old ways.
Here’s the deal….if you have a problem with me or don’t, but just want some classy hillbilly, racial tongue lashing…bring it to the Wedding Party. If you want to hear about my droll life and my kids, stay here and we can talk about life and love and all that BS. Have a nice fucking weekend!!

Where did the time go?

2006-10-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

From this!

To this?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY! Yea, she’s not much of a baby anymore, but I can still take her. I had to play suzie homemaker last night and make brownies for her class so she could be the one bringing the best treat of the year. Yes, I can bake….don’t tell anyone!! She is a big 12 today…ugh. That means teenager just around the corner. I already have to deal with the hormone changes and total mood swing freakiness (only once in a while). Why is it that I can’t remember being that way…..oh shit, it was just yesterday.
You know what the worst part of the whole growing up thing is? Feminine products are fucking expensive!

I'm movin' to Texas!

2006-10-09T09:05:00.000-05:00

Okay, not really....but I went out Friday night and my frinds and I hung out with 3 texans that are here for a few months working on something gas related. As you can see I got no details of their jobs(cuz I don't care!). Anyway, the good part was that they could dance well and they said that texans always pay for the ladies drinks. Wow! and I thought Texas only raised guys like Johnny Menace. I think I better re-evaluate the whole state!

I know I have sucked at blogging lately, but with all the activities the girls and I have, I am never sure if I am coming or going. If you are looking for me at night, here is where I will be...
Monday: 2 hours volleyball, Tuesday: dance lessons, Wednesday: choir & gymnastics, Thursday: Volleyball and finally Friday we usually have extra kids over. Ugh!

If your looking for me in the daytime. I just might be HERE!

See, now you can't accuse me of hiding....I'm always around somewhere.

New Profession

2006-09-28T15:09:00.000-05:00

I have decided to just be a comment whore for a while. I'll be around!!

Better late than never!

2006-09-21T13:18:00.000-05:00

I’m back…….for today anyway! I finally got some of the canoe trip pictures and wanted to share since this is HNT day. Happy HNT!!
The trip was a blast! Lisa and I didn’t show up Friday until about 11pm because we took the long way. Needless to say everyone was already hammered and I think only 2 people actually remembered we were there the next morning.
Saturday was interesting. There were about 16 of us in our group and 2 per canoe, so Lisa and I had our own. We all started off in a group pretty good and then we found ourselves alone. We did hook onto Crawley for a while since his girlfriend didn’t show and we felt sorry for him. That was an experience in itself. For some reason, it got harder to canoe the more drinking we did. We ended up tipping over 3 times….only 1 of which was our own fault! We spent most of the afternoon kidnapped by a bachelor party of 12….what a pitty. It was so rough being hooked onto a group of several cute horny guys talking about sex for hours. A couple of them had on Joe Dirt mullet wigs….that was hot! By the end of the day we were pretty drunk and ended up going to bed pretty early since everyone else was worn out from Friday….pussies!
Sunday was the best. We hooked 7 canoes together and had a floating party barge. Pearl was right, it was like Mardi Gra on the river. There were boobs, beads and booze. We got some great Jungle Juice from some weird guy and his underage girlfriend he was trying to get drunk and take advantage of. We also got some shooters from some old chic (yes, older than me!). All in all it was a great trip! I hope we get to do it again!
Here are short descriptions of the pictures:
1. Left to right: PBC's sister, PBC, Crawley, C's ass, Bob, me, Anna, and Pearl. This is one of the many pit stops we made.
2. Cindy, Pearl and Anna's back side.....can you tell they have been drinking?
3. Don't know who this is, but her ass was eating her bikini and we all found it amusing!
4. C, Anna and Pearl.
5. Cheese Its are better when you have been drinking.
6. We're Silly!
7. Mr. Crawley....I think he ain't right in the head.
8. Me grabbing Gay Flash's ass.....I think he liked it!
9. Group shot with boobs and a stray lady beside the boobs.
10. Hhhmm men straddling a big log....I find this odd.
11. PBC chillin'. He got a wittle tummy ache.

This blog suck!

2006-09-11T11:21:00.000-05:00

I don't even want to post anymore. I think I am totally burnt out! I am going to be at a meeting most of the week, so I am going to take the opportunity to make a clean break for a while. I will post any pictures I got from the canoe trip hopefully on Wednesday. I will also try and visit people when I get time. If you want to chat, you can always e-mail me or instant message me.
HUGS!

Yet another HNT

2006-09-07T09:30:00.000-05:00

On our way back from Missouri, Lisa made me buy some cool tinted lip gloss at Victoria Secret. Yes, she made me! They were only 2 for $10, now that's a great deal! They are also flavored, so my lips are chocolatey delicious this morning....wanna taste?

Yea, yea, yea

2006-09-06T11:07:00.000-05:00

I know it's cheesy to post a joke on your blog, but I got this one this morning and I just want to say AMEN!

A Horse, A Chicken & the Harley:

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks"

I'm back!

2006-09-05T09:21:00.000-05:00

I'm in once piece.....mostly. The canoe trip in Missouri was awesome!! I was with a group of the coolest people I have ever met. There ended up being 17 of us total and everyone got along so well. It was amazing to get that many drunk people together and not end up with a ton of drama. I think I got some pictures even though our Saturday trip was a total loss when we took a non waterproof camera and then tipped the canoe. So hopefully Sunday's pics with the water camera turned out better! I will get them developed right away and then tell you all about the trip. Later!

My Fuck You Look.

2006-09-01T09:14:00.000-05:00

I couldn't resist popping in to participate in "Fuck You Friday"! I have a little time this morning to kill before I leave on the big canoe trip, so...........

Fuck you...time to kill
Fuck you...to Johnny....just cuz
Fuck you...Scumbag for not putting a hat on your dick so you could go on this trip.
Fuck you...rain, if we get any.
Fuck you....war.
Fuck you...6 hour drive to the party.
Fuck you...lady at the register at Walm-mart for being on the rag and making sure we knew it....cuz your a bitch and I got you in trouble.
Fuck you...to the haters of me....if there were any.
Fuck you...to Shawn and Emma for deserting me(okay, I still love you)
Fuck you...to men that lie.
Fuck you...crazy bitch that called me this morning!
Here's the story on that: My phone rings..
me: Hello
psycho: Megan? Megan who?
me: You called me, who is this?
psycho: I'm Steve's girlfriend and he is fucking around on me and your number was in his phone.
me:(what I wanted to say: Your nuts bitch!) Well, I have only met Steve once.
psycho: Well I asked Amanda and she said it wasn't her (lie!)
me: Sorry, don't know what to tell you.
Truth is....it's Amanda and that psycho is not even dating him, he kicked her to the curb....get over it already!
well, that should about do it for today.

I heart everything else!
Have a great long weekend!!

Takin' a break!

2006-08-28T09:33:00.000-05:00

I am skipping posting this week. I will miss you all, and when I get time I will visit. I should be back next Tuesday and will hopefully have fun Canoe Trip stories. Have a great week! HUGS!!

I Got Highlights!

2006-08-24T08:21:00.000-05:00

I just figured if I start adding highlights to my hair now, then when it turns white cuz I'm old....it won't be such a shock. Happy HNT people!!

Not a damn thing!

2006-08-23T14:09:00.000-05:00

Usually I have a lot of nothing to say....well that still holds true. The kids are back in school,(YAY!) no more lunches for me to make. The oldest is at the top in the 6th grade and she thinks she is the shit (because she is!). The little one started second grade and said eveyone was wrong... she didn't get the mean teacher. Well, sorry babe, you never can tell that on the first day of class, good luck when she goes all bitch on your ass. Hey, I've done it, Emma should be used to it (he hee). Here's one for "Kids say the darndest things":

Mom: How was your first day?
Emma: Good, I like my teacher, she is really nice.
Mom: Great honey, who do you sit by?
Emma: Oh, I sit by "Sack Lunch Boy" and "The Stinky Kid".
Mom: Bwahahahahaha
Mom: (After composing myself) That is not very nice to say.
Emma: But he smells like old people.
Mom: Bwahahahaha (I give up!)

That shit was funny! I totally remember those kids when I was in school....did they just never pass the second grade? Maybe they are the kids of the kids....ew, keep it in the family!

Catchin' up!

2006-08-22T08:24:00.000-05:00

I am quite the lazy blogger lately, I'm sorry. I don't know that it is going to get better for a little while but I will try and keep up. I may just go around and see what you all have been up to instead of posting for a couple days after this.
On Friday I had a big write up about Thursday because it was such a fun night, but now it's old news so I will just talk about what a weird Saturday night I had. I totally over did it and of course made an ass outta myself, but at least not until the end of the night. I went out with my friend Beth, who is the same girl I took to Manhattan to shoot the wedding with me. We started at 8pm, which I knew was a bad idea, but there was a block party to go to and food was being served. When we got there it was packed already and there were about 10 coolers full of free beer and pop, plus a bartender and free alcohol. Beth was the DD, so game on. The worst thing was the fact that when I stopped drinking beer and switched to Rum, it was dark and the bartender could not see how much she was pouring.....it kicked my ass! The crowd was strange for me since I am used to hanging out with 25ish year old softball players. This was a more elite crowd, with our doctors, dentists, a chiropractor, and several contractors (didn't know any one else) in it. Those guys sure don't hold back when they have something to say. One dentist made some perverted comment about loving the scent of a woman and noticed when I walked by. WFT is that supposed to mean....that he liked my perfume or knew I was on the rag....weirdo. I was ready to get out of there by 11pm so we headed to my friends bar and she made me a Long Island Ice tea....with too much tequila (ouch). That was mistake #2. After I downed that we went to our so called country bar in town. This is where Beth's older friends hang out. I started playing pool and must have been coherent enough to play because I won the first 2 games and got free drinks out of the deal....stupid! I lost the last 2 and still got drinks, but I was done for the night. Actually that is all I remember, my friend filled me in on the rest. She said I sat down at the table with the 7 of them and was totally entertaining cracking all kinds of sex jokes (geez!). She said she had no idea I was that gone or she would have cut me off. Here is the part that sucks! I don't remember her taking me home, but I do remember a 5am trip to worship the porcelain god. ugh! I thought I lost my phone, so I spent the day without it and went out to the bar with the owner to look for it. Apparently, I put it on silent instead of vibrate/ring. It was stuck between the wall and the bed at home. I will not be taking my phone out with me again and I will also be slowing it down quite a bit after the canoe trip. I should really grow up...sheesh.

HNT

2006-08-17T10:48:00.000-05:00

I was asked what a 35" inseam looked like....well, here is about 25" of it. I probably should have wiped down the mirror. Happy HNT!!

Hump day!

2006-08-16T12:02:00.000-05:00

I had a great night last night and so far this is a pretty damn great day…..so needless to say, I am in a good mood!!! Here’s the run down:

-Went to check out Lisa’s pad and see her niece (aahhh)
-Won softball game by one run in the last inning…yay….drank a beer.
-Got asked to play in a tourney this weekend….fun! FUN!
-Talked to Emma! Yes bitches, I have her number and it is not for sale. She loves me! HA
-Talked to a friend online while half naked (computers rule!)…..I laughed a LOT!
-Got up real late, in my hurry I put on a shirt that gapes open, so had to hunt for a safety pin at work…good times :)
-You have no idea how happy I am that Lisa is back in town. She brought me lunch at work (and a safety pin). The sandwich was to die for…..if she does not open a Deli here, I will do bad things to her!

That’s it…..oh my exciting life, how can you stand the suspense of the next day?

Sleep? What's that?

2006-08-14T16:47:00.000-05:00

My kids were gone all weekend and I took the opportunity to get some training in for Labor Day weekend. I started 1 hour after they left and stopped when I woke up to go get them. I feel like I did a satisfactory job! Lol
It really was a fun and eventful weekend. I imagine when I look back at my blog a couple months from now, my weekends will alternate between “hung out with my girls” and got drunk all weekend”. I suppose it could be worse and it could say “drank all week”, but hey, not everyone can have Scumbags life! Ha ha….just kidding buddy!!
So, Friday night started out kind of interesting. The ex came to town to pick up the girls and was suppose to buy us supper….but darn it, he forgot his wallet (how convenient), so I paid as usual. My friend Beth started calling me about 7pm telling me she was hungry and was ready to head to the bar in town that had free food on Fridays…..can’t beat that! We ended up going out at 8pm to grab a bite to eat since I didn’t eat with my fam. Well, starting at 8 is quite early for me, so you can imagine how I felt about 3:30am. We had talked about going swimming but decided against it (thank goodness!), I may have drowned. I spent a total of 7 dollars and we went to 4 bars. I love when people insist on buying me drinks! We hung with everyone from rockers, to bikers to old business guys to young hotties. It was a blast! We have a new place that serves a breakfast buffet until 5am….that’s exciting for this place. The food was good, but ug…not the day after.
I didn’t wake up until 11:30 Saturday morning (aside from an obscene phone call at 7am….paybacks are hell. lol)….WOW, I have not slept like that since before I had kids.

Saturday afternoon, I headed to the lake here to lay out and I was joined by 3 other friends. They brought beer and we started in again…damn. By 6pm, we were down to 2 of us and we had gone through a 12 pack, some other peoples beer and had put a dent in a 30 pack. We ate at a fish fry on the south end of the lake for supper. Then, I went home to shower and 2 hours later was back out heading to the bar. I just have to say “Lisa made it”!!!! She is now officially living here. She was tired and exhausted from moving and still made the effort to go out (trooper!).I was so excited to see her. We went out with several girls she will be working with. It was a weird night and the bars were filled with different people instead of the usual crowds. I had the most fun people watching! We were in a group of 5 girls and we were laughing so loud and having so much fun it drew a crowd. After the bar we headed to Beth’s to have some girls only fun. Okay, now you sick minded fucks, we just went to talk about guys, sex and did some lemon drop shots. I was home by 4am and even stayed up to watch some TV. I think I faired pretty well and should have one more weekend go around before the trip!

Baby Got Back!

2006-08-10T08:39:00.000-05:00

I finally made it! And as I said, I am trying to tone it down....I may have gotten carried away with the requests and the horniness!

Happy HNT ya'll!

I'm venting!

2006-08-09T09:20:00.000-05:00

This is so stupid, but I am so mad! I go to Alltel yesterday to get a new cell phone cuz mine is 2 years old and a piece of shit. The lady tells me Motorola is the best for service and battery life and has a good camera on it (bonus), so I take her advice. After 30 minutes or so she has me all set up and tells me I have to re-enter all my contacts. Damn it, I have about 70 numbers in my phone. Well, that's pretty much all I did last night! About 9pm my phone rings and it's some guy that wants to go out with me. I say "hello" and can't hear a damn thing, so I hang up. I call my home phone and my daughter says she can hear me, but I can't hear anything. FUCK! Now, I know you are thinking it is some simple button.....wrong! I am very mechanically and technologically savy and I can't get the sumbitch to do a thing. About 10pm Scumbag calls and it's the same shit. I just talked into the damn thing and told him I was on a piece of shit. So, first thing this morning I called Motorola.....the guy was a total dipshit. He had me take out the battery and re-set everything and check the volume. It must take a genious to work there. He refered me to my local store who wanted me to do the same thing. We checked some settings and he said it was probably messed up.......ya think?? I hate when men think women are idiots. I even read the fucking manual!! Anyway, I got ahold of the sales lady and she is going to get me a new one and transfer my numbers for me later this morning, so I have calmed down, but why didn't she make sure the thing worked before I left the store? I guess I should know by now that people are only as smart as the people who train them. I should really get out of this town!

UPDATE: The V-beam laser procedure for my face is going to be $350. That's not much compared to the photofacial procedure which costs about $2,000. They only get the laser in the office once every 2 months and the end of August is the next time. The only problem is that I am saving for a drunkenfest canoe trip with the Wedding Party over Labor Day and I am not supposed to be in the sun for a couple weeks after the treatment. I guess they will just have to deal with my rosieness and I will wait until October. The things I do for fun....I swear!

On Auto-Pilot

2006-08-08T09:53:00.000-05:00

Could my life get any busier? I have not seen my front door until almost 10pm the last 2 nights. Maybe summer ending soon will be a good thing. School August 21st....the countdown begins! I wrote a check for $110 yesterday at enrollment, ugh!
Sorry I wasn't around yesterday to visit and chat. I spent the morning doing Monday work things and then I spent 3 hours in an allergist's office with my eldest weedette trying to figure out why she wakes up stuffy and with a stomach ache so often. Well, after having about 60 tiny needles poked in her back and then 10 shoved into her arms, we found out she is allergic to mold and dust and has a mild allery to cats and dogs. Yippee, just what I was hoping for. Now, I get to bye an expensive air purifier, an expensive matress and pillow cover, have to keep things even cleaner and the cat can't sleep with her anymore. She was happy to know that we didn't have to get rid of the cat (damn!). I am not allergic to a single thing, so this is going to be a new challenge to deal with. I just hope it make her feel like a new pre-teen! I hope to have time to stop by today....Happy Tuesday.

Change is in the air!

2006-08-07T08:18:00.000-05:00

Good news is my whorish new friend has a steady boyfriend...yayyyy! Bad news is, now she is devoting every minute to him and we don't get to hang out anymore, but it's all good as long as she is happy. Besides.....my best friend Lisa is moving back to town next weekend...can't beat that!!!
It was a boring weekend! I went out Saturday night and just chilled at my friends bar. My prison buddy Thomas showed up, so I did have some eye candy even though I didn't make the effort to talk to him. I actually felt a little sorry for him because there were some real assholes there that came in just to try and start shit. They know he can't get into any trouble and won't fight them. They finally got kicked out and all was good. Thomas looks like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine and his stare will pierce right through you.....I had to turn my back to him. Damn....moving on.
I really wish I had something enlightening to say, but it's way to early in the morning. Maybe something will inspire me later. I hope you all had a more eventful weekend than I did.

Inspired HNT.....not G-rated!!

2006-08-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

What do you do with your kids when they are a fucking nightmare and you want a break? You send them to Vacation Bible School. I had the pleasure of helping with a class full of first graders last night until 9pm....4 of which I would have liked to take out back and smack a few times with a switch! You get the picture, I went home exhausted. I hugged my girls and told them how awesome they were and went to bed!!

The second picture is for Emma.....I showed butthole!! look real close. Also, I have a mole in my ass crack, how freaky is that. Never looked at my own crack before. I am surprised nonody ever told me it was there. Happy HNT folks!!

Just Wednesday shit

2006-08-02T08:29:00.002-05:00

So, I drove to Hays, KS (1 hour) yesterday to visit with a dermatologist about a procedure called the "V-Beam". Just to get you up to speed, I have Rosacea and have had it for about 6 years. Here is the clinical definition if you have no idea what I am talking about:

Rosacea (pronounced "roh-ZAY-sha") is a chronic and potentially life-disruptive disorder primarily of the facial skin, often characterized by flare-ups and remissions. Many have observed that it typically begins any time after age 30 as a redness on the cheeks, nose, chin or forehead that may come and go. In some cases, rosacea may also occur on the neck, chest, scalp or ears. Over time, the redness becomes ruddier and more persistent, and visible blood vessels may appear. Left untreated, bumps and pimples often develop, and in severe cases the nose may grow swollen and bumpy from excess tissue. This is the condition, called rhinophyma (pronounced "rhi-no-FY-muh"), that gave the late comedian W.C. Fields his trademark bulbous nose. In many rosacea patients, the eyes are also affected, feeling irritated and appearing watery or bloodshot.

You know those old guys with the big lumpy puffy noses, that usually were alcoholics in their younger days? Well, that's one of the worse forms of untreated Rosacea. It sounds a lot worse than it really is. Mine is very mild because I have been treating it for a long time. The only thing I have trouble with are tiny red veins on my cheeks that make it look like I am blushing all the time. I just usually wear make-up on them and nobody even notices. The good thing is the fact that I take VERY good care of my skin now! Anyway, this V-Beam is a treatment that uses a laser and destroys the tiny veins. I am very excited. The only downfall is the fact that I will be red and possibly very puffy for a few days afterward. That will suck! Oh, here is another thing about it. There are things they call "activators" that make your face redder at times. They are things I can't and will not avoid, including.....sun, wind, spicy food and alcohol. I can't wait until they come up with a cure. If you have any of the symptoms from above, drop me a line, I would love to help ya out!

Onto softball! Now that I have played a game with each co-ed team that I am on, I know what to expect. I really like my competitive league team the best! We are sponsored by a bar(go figure). I threw together a design for our shirts yesterday. The bar is called "The Holy Beaver". I guess they get a new logo out of the deal too. The bat is named the "golden schwartz", I have yet to name the beaver. Here are several things I have learned about playing with men and my teams: 1. We have several very hot, young guys on both teams(bonus). 2. Men are winers. 3. They can mess up, but you better not! 4. They don't like when girls are better than they are. 5. They can't handle pain. 6. They are too competitive and need to relax. 7. Party if you win!! It's a good thing both of my teams won.

Wanna help me name my beaver??

Another week?

2006-07-31T10:18:00.000-05:00

Good morning kids! I should be back full force this week with nothing constructive or informational to say as usual.
I am so tired from the weekend, it really took it out of me. I went to Manhattan and took pictures of a huge wedding. It was emotionally tiresome and I am glad it is over. I have been shooting weddings for about 8 years and it never ceases to amaze me how much money people waste on the damn things! Do you realize a year of planning is over in 2 hours? Go elope on a fucking beach people. Your family and friends don't really give a shit if they really see you get married. If your parents freak, take them with you and get them tanked, they will get over it.
Do you realize that the only thing you are left with after a wedding is the pictures? Why would you ask Uncle George who has the only camera in the family to shoot your wedding? You just spent $2,000 dollars on a dress, pay for a good photographer you dumb ass! So, that is my humble advice for you stupid....excuse me, nieve people thinking about getting married.
The great thing about the wedding I just shoot was the fact it was not in my town. The couple paid for my travel and put me up in a nice motel. I took a friend and we made it a party weekend. Can't go wrong there! There was even a shuttle that took us to the party spot. It was fun, but damn it takes me longer to recover from drinking than it used to. Back in the day I would get up, take a shit and an asprin and I would be good to go. Now I have to wait until about noon before I can get it all out. That sucks when you are on the road driving! On a happy note, my co-ed ball starts tonight....yippee....men, beer and balls, can't beat that!

Sorry!

2006-07-28T09:09:00.000-05:00

I have been a lousy blogger this week! I am so overwhelmed trying to get caught up from vacation and getting ready to shoot a wedding this weekend that I have barely had time to schedule in restroom breaks. I should be back on track next week and I will post a double HNT!! I am missing you all and hope you come back on Monday!!

I will leave you with one reason not to leave your kids alone!! I would love to hear the audio of what that kid sounded like when mom took the pad off his little weiner!

I'm back!

2006-07-26T10:26:00.000-05:00

Vacation was wonderful, but I am swamped at work. We got a new server while I was gone and I am pretty much the IT person here, so of course my computer is all screwed up and I just now could log on.

I am mainly here to wish Lisa a Happy Birthday!!! I didn't want her to think I forgot since I can't use my e-mail or IM and won't have time to call her until tonight. I love you babe and hope you have a great birthday!!

I will visit and talk to you all very soon. Miss you!

I'm leaving!

2006-07-21T09:12:00.000-05:00

PSYCH! You thought I was shutting down like so many other pussies around here didn't ya? No way, my life is boring, but I'm sure not done talking about it. This is my on line record of events and thoughts in my life.....so in a few weeks when I can't remember shit, I can look back and read about it. So, if it bores people or I can't post everyday....tough shit.
Anyway, I am just going on a mini vacation and taking my girls to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun in Kansas City(the picture to the right is the new roller coaster "the Patriot"). They are big thrill seekers like their mom and love big fast rides. Even the 7 year old likes those huge roller coasters. She could barely wait to be tall enough to ride stuff. We used to put her in heeled tennis shoes and pile her hair in a big pony tail on top of her head to create height. They are both lucky to be so tall and could squeak by when they were 5. The older one went through the same thing. I am just so damn lucky to have such great kids and that we are all very compatible together. I would go crazy if I had to raise a couple of sissy bitches. Well, I plan to be back here on Wednesday, so in the mean time miss me and don't desert me!! Okay, fine....I will really miss you guys.

I feel like ass!!

2006-07-20T08:11:00.000-05:00

Didn't roll in until 3am, so an old HNT is all I got to give....sorry about that!! Happy Half Naked Thursday anyway!

It's a strong coffee morning!

2006-07-19T08:29:00.000-05:00

and I'm not wearing a bra.....wake me up!!

Dumb shit

2006-07-18T10:31:00.000-05:00

It is so hard to post during the week since my life is so redundant! I think I will just throw out some random shit today...

I played ball last night (of course), but I pitched for the first time in 2 years and did awesome, we even run ruled them. YAYYY! The team asked why I wasn't the first string pitcher. I don't like to toot my own horn except on my blog, so I never told anyone I used to pitch in fast pitch...oops! My last women’s league game is Wednesday at 9:45pm. I will not have my girls and we are starting our drinking at 6:30. It should be a very interesting game. Another team asked me to fill in on their team at 8:45...I warned them!

One more softball thing...I was asked to play on 2 different co-ed teams in 2 separate leagues....and I said yes. 4 nights a week...I am in idiot! At least I won't have an excuse to not exercise!!(Bonus: 2 sets of men on each team)...shit I'm a horn dog.

I am going on a family vacation to KC on Friday...yippee! I know it’s not far, but it will still be fun. I don’t like long car rides!

My oldest daughter is at Girl Scout camp all week. It’s strange how easy it is to take care of only 1 kid. Man I have awesome kids...just sayin’.

The fucking cat misses Sierra and squalls at about 6am every morning. I like cats a little less everyday! If you have never heard a Bengal cry…..let’s just say it’s not quiet or pleasing! I keep throwing things at her, but my aim sucks lying down (as with many men) lol had to throw that in.

I'm having serious issues posting pictures in blogger. It says they are downloaded and then they don't show up....stupid fucker!

That’s enough...talk to ya’ll later!!

I love being single!!

2006-07-17T11:19:00.000-05:00

I went out Saturday night to an event in a town about 10 miles from me called the “After Harvest Festival”. Yes, it is like the squash festival they show in “Doc Hollywood”. All the small town folks get together and show off their tractors and old cars in a parade while the little barefoot, redneck kids run around in the street chasing melted candy, then they have a beer garden and a big dance. I particularly like the beer garden myself!! The greatest part is that you can bring your own coolers into the park where the dance is and sit around on lawn chairs getting hammered with about 300 other people….good times!
I got the opportunity to play the lifeguard card that night. What is that you say? Well, remember when some of you were young and went to the pool and followed around your favorite hottie lifeguard? In my town, that was me (back in the day). Anyway, while sitting back in my chair chilling with a cold one, I noticed one of the most gorgeous guys I had seen in a while. I said to my hooker friend “OMG, look at that guy”. She told me that was Thomas such and such. I sat there for a while pondering the name and realized he was one of the older pool rats that hung around me. He is only 6 years younger, but when he was 16, that was too young. Now he is 29….BONUS! I didn’t approach him until after the dance when we were at the bar and it was about to close. We walked by him and my friend introduced me. He said “yea, I know who you are”. It was on! He stared right through me with his sexy blue eyes and I knew I would be leaving with him. Don’t start cheering for me getting laid yet, because there is more to the story. My friend hooked up with his friend and we went back to his place. After some perverted conversation between the four of us, Thomas said the phrase to end all phrases…. “I got outta prison 2 months ago”. WTF, shit! Just my luck….the hot guy is flawed….in a big way. Just about anything else would not have been a deal breaker, but that was too much. Who knows where his manhood had been….damn. It was on some drug charges and he is clean now. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I am just not going there.

I do have a question for you all though. Should it matter who I hang around if I am having fun? I ask this because my friend that I have been going out with lately has a reputation for sleeping around…a lot! In my town….as in other smaller communities, the rumors are horrible. I don’t care so much about that because I am having so much fun, but should I? I imagine in a few weeks I will be considered a big whore too just because we are seen together. Do I let the rumors fly and not worry about it or should I be more careful?

Thirsty??

2006-07-13T08:39:00.000-05:00

I'm always so wet! Happy HNT!!

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday...I was too busy! I'm a wittle seepy today. I almost put my lip liner around my eyes....that's not a good thing. Hopefully today I can play around and visit everyone!!

U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi

2006-07-12T08:15:00.000-05:00

I looked through all the albums to find the butt ugliest pictures of me and these 2 are what I found! I know I embarrassed Madonna....er I mean Lisa a while back with a semi-corny picture of her, but since I don't embarrass, I thought I would settle for entertain. This first one is my Molly Ringwald "Pretty in Pink" phase at my Freshman dance. Believe it or not....I didn't start becoming cool until my Sophomore year....and now I have it mastered. *head expands*

There is a story behind dork pic #2. I stayed the night with my Grandparents the night before my 4th grade pictures because my parents were out of town. Now, my Grandparents didn't have kids until their late 40's. My Granny was born in 1908 and my Grandpa was older than her.....so you can imagine the generation gap. Well, my Granny liked to do what you call "Pin Curls". For those of you that don't know what that is....you take a small section of hair and twist it into a loop and pin it to your head with a bobby pin. This creates lovely, frizzy curls all over your head when removed. I was horrified the next morning when we took them out, but of course she loved it. I went to school like that in tears and to make it better, my principal pulls out his handy dandy comb and tried to straighten it down for me. Ugh...men! So, as you can see, my mom was not thrilled to get my school pictures and my Granny never did my hair again!

I played Cowboys and Indians!!

2006-07-10T09:22:00.000-05:00

I had the greatest weekend! Which makes 2 weekends in one month….that’s a record….so far. I’m gonna brag and I’m gonna tell you about it, cuz that’s what havin' my own blog is all about. I was a little naughty, but it wasn’t like playing Doctor….that always gets out of hand. My daughters left with their Dad at noon on Friday, so it was a very free weekend. I went to a bar and had a couple drinks right after work, then about 4 beers at a men’s softball game, then we hit another bar for the rest of the night where we continued to drink more. I played lots of pool and got hit on by a very good looking half Indian with a killer body. I got way more tanked than I planned, cuz I gave him my phone number and he called me about 30 minutes after I got home from the bar. I had to get off the phone with him so I could puke and then when I called him back, I have no idea what I said, but I woke up in the morning and I wasn’t on the phone anymore….hopefully I didn’t hang up on him…..or tell him all my deep dark secrets. I won’t be persuing that anyway…I talked to a friend of mine and found out she dated him for about 2 months and he was very possessive…can’t have that!!
So, Saturday was great! I went down to the lake with a cooler of beer and a couple good buddies and drank until about 7pm, then we showered and headed to a rodeo in a small town about 40 miles away. I have never actually watched a whole rodeo, so I was excited to see some guys get thrown into the dirt by a big stud. It turned out to be quite a night. My High School sweetheart that I dated for 2 years was from that town and I was shocked when several of his old buddies were in the rodeo and also there to watch and even remembered me. We ended up all hanging out and partying together at the end of the night. I was drawn to one guy in particular that was in the ropin’ competition. He is from that town, but about 2 years younger than me. We went to a party and then he said he needed to leave to feed one of his horses and asked if I wanted to come. Well hell, who would pass that up? Of course now the new code with my friend and I for going home with someone is to “feed the horse”. Lol I still can’t believe I got in his truck and took off into the country with him. The guy is around 6 foot 6 inches. When we got to his ranch, I started laughing because he had a 20 foot teepee in his back yard. It was the coolest thing ever. So, we fed the horse and ended up hanging out in the teepee for 3 hours talking. Talking? What guy wants to talk for that long…geez! I know I’m interesting, but damn! Then, we headed into the house and he showed me around. He had 3 dear heads and several other skins hanging around….creepy! We then decided to head back to town cuz it was about 6am and I didn’t want my friend leaving me. He had been such a gentleman until we were on our way out the door. I commented about some beads he had hanging from a set of horns and he said I could have a set if I showed him my tits. That threw me off and I laughed and said what the hell. I just kinda assumed he was going to attack me and instead he untucked his shirt to cover a hard on….that was hilarious!! I know I could have made a move, but it’s just not like me to do that….and I wasn’t sure I would have followed through. We discussed why he hadn’t made a move, on the way back to town and he said he was just really into our conversations. That’s actually pretty sweet, so I had to give the guy credit. When we got back to town, my hooker friend was asleep with the guy she hooked up with and I couldn’t find her keys or wake her, so I just ended up staying with the cowboy. I made it home about 11am and went straight to bed until the girls came home.
I hope you all had a great weekend too!! I’m tired!

Yikes!

2006-07-07T13:37:00.000-05:00

As promised to the Lone Ranger....I am posting my yearbook picture. Yes, I am wearing a shirt, it's just white and off the shoulder. Gotta love the feathered hair!!

Happy 4th

2006-07-05T16:06:00.000-05:00

The 4th of July is a significant date in my world, other than the fact it is Independence Day. My Dad died 9 years ago yesterday and the 4th is always a time to look back and remember him. He was quite a character and I imagine I get my warped sense of humor from him. He was not my birth father, but he did adopt me when I was 5 and raise me. We thought we had a good handle on his cancer and that it was going into remission, but 2 weeks before his death it just took over. He held on for about 4 days while his body was shutting down just so he could go out with a bang….silly man! It made a huge impact on my life and my oldest daughter was only 2, so neither girls will ever know him. I don’t think I would have ended up in a crappy marriage if he would have stayed around. I met my ex 4 months after my Dad died. My Dad would have hated him and I probably would have listened…..even though my Mom and all my friends advised against him too. I’m just stupid like that!

Anyway, this 4th was a blast. My girls are at perfect ages for lots of mayhem and they are in no way sissy girls. We blew stuff up, threw things and tried to set stuff on fire….good fun! They love their smoke bomb writing! The retarded boy from across the street came out of his house by himself with a bag of firecrackers and started lighting them and throwing them. His mom is a piece of work. The boy can barely see and had the punk and fuse less than 2 inches from his face when he lit them. He was too slow on one and it popped in his hand….poor guy! I went over and told him to go in and run cold water on it. After a couple hours, we went down to the lake and shot off waterproof firecrackers in the water. Then we went to a BBQ at my Mom’s house and shot off night works before heading out to the annual fireworks show. My town has one of the biggest most expensive shows in the state….we are very proud and people come from all over to see it! It lasts about 20 minutes and the whole thing is set to music over 1 of the radio stations. I hope you all had as much! It really sucks to be back to work today, ugh!

Final Episode

2006-07-03T13:55:00.000-05:00

Saturday was good fun! We started at the bar at 4pm....damn early, but well worth it. We needed to get prepared for the fight. Drinking was had by all and we figured out a way to get liquor into a dry campus(we're so sneaky). I took an assload of pictures of the fight, but with a crappy throw-away, either my finger was in the way or it was too dark. I did get one of SHS that you can barely see. Hopefully PBC's camera did a better job. Next time they will know to take the camera away from me once I start getting silly!

After the fight we hit another bar. SHS got his drink on finally and had to play some catch up. After the bar, we headed to Anna's place where PBC made himself at home on the couch. He's lucky all he got was an ass grindin' by Anna.

At last, the lone survivors of the 3am munchies.

I sure can't wait to get back there!

Finishing Friday

2006-07-03T10:40:00.000-05:00

The Friday night BBQ brought out quite a bit of hilarity. We got to witness a young man in his early coming out. Who's kid is that anyway?

Anna enjoyed Pearl's potato salad as much as I did (great drunk food)!

Wanna dip? Anna sure loves PBC's habits....including, chewing, farting and showing butthole.

Here we have a final Friday farwell from Scumbag and PBC....so classy!

I've got pictures!

2006-06-30T09:16:00.000-05:00

One thing I learned from my trip to KC is that I am not photogenic and I shoot crappy pics when I am drunk….okay, I lied…I already knew that! There are too many pics to post at once, so here are just a few.
The first thing I did was head to Pearls for a BBQ. She greeted me with a big ole smile and a hug (what a sweetie).

As the night progressed the group got bigger, louder and drunker….just as it should be. There was dancing and mayhem to be had. As you can see in the pictures, we are a damn good looking group and rather enjoy playing with kids toys.

Since PBC and Scum have issues with their sanitary eating habits, they were banned to the kids table.

Here we see Pearl’s daughter getting giggy with it….that girl could dance. Are you sure daddy is white??

SHS finally showed up, but had to stay sober because of the big fight the next day. Poor wittle guy had to watch the rest of us idiots be obnoxious. He practiced a couple moves on PBC just to make sure he was ready.

Dem some sexy bitches there.

MORE TO COME.....

Snooze!

2006-06-29T08:38:00.000-05:00

Wake me up when it's Friday...I'm fantasizing about someone! Any guesses?
Happy HNT!!

Oops..I dream in color!

Oops!

2006-06-28T08:36:00.000-05:00

I was anxious to see my photos from the weekend, so I went to the store yesterday and dropped the camera off and ordered doubles and a CD. I went to get them as soon as possible and when I started looking at them, there were pictures like the one I posted. Son of a bitch! I grabbed the extra camera I gave to my 7 year old for her to use at the zoo and the ball park. I can't believe I got doubles of that shit now! I am really wondering when this week is going to end. ugh! I guess I will have to do a Friday party post since tomorrow is HNT and I have 4 hours of activities tonight....sorry. Beer me!! (could have said shoot me)

Whew! Home at last.

2006-06-27T09:40:00.000-05:00

The Wedding Party is a sham!! I was all prepared to get stabbed, shot, hit over the head with a whiskey bottle and made to roll out of a boat after jello shots. Pishaw….they are a group of the nicest people I have ever met. They opened up their homes and their friends to a total stranger and I had the most fun I have had in a really long time! I miss them already. Okay, not to totally destroy their image….they are vulgar, loud, crazy, obscene, alcoholic partiers…That’s just my kind of crowd! I will have pictures (if Scumbag didn’t ruin them putting it down his pants) soon, so I will post some detailed stories about the weekend when I get them up. In the meantime, here are a few highlights of the adventure:

-Beer, shots, vodka tonic and wine.
-Pearls potato salad and Natalie’s cake
-The percolator
-Who passed out? Who threw up?
-Face humping Anna
-Shiney nut sack(Gay Flash)
-The knock out
-Losing 3 pounds despite all the food and drink.
-The honor of shaking the hands of 2 Chiefs ticket holders. I still have not washed it....it's kinda sticky now.
-SHS the celeb
-PBC’s tickle spot
-Scumbag the human weeble-wobble
-Where did that bruise come from?
-IHOP
-Country Stampede break down.

Confused yet?
Sorry I wasn’t here yesterday….part of the weekend story too. Have a great week!!

I got Frenched!

2006-06-22T09:37:00.000-05:00

I went to the shop last night and had my nails filled and my feet done so I would be all groomed for my adventure this weekend. The regular owners are on vacation in Vietnam and their relatives are running the shop. The lady that worked on me was so funny! I couldn't understand every word, but she was pretty darn good at communicating. When I got to the pedicure chair, I had a polish color picked out, but she said "you no want toe to match nail? What color on nail?". I repeated that I wanted a French manicure on my nails and she said "you no want toe to match nail?", so I decided what the hell...do a french tip on my toes too. It's the "in" thing, but I think it's a little like having mini fingers on your feet....kinda freaky. As you can tell, I have a hard time saying no!

Then and Now...

I found this silly picture of me about 6 years ago in a towel in front of my ex's shower curtain. I let him decorate one room and he picked the bathroom(PBC&Scum, I am not a Dolphins fan!). Anyway, I took one this morning for a comparison....very scary! I have a lot of work to do!! I don't have what you call "natural" beauty, so I give my donations religiously to the make-up god! Happy HNT all!!

Big hair and bad hair days.

2006-06-21T13:29:00.000-05:00

As you probably already know, I am making a trip to Kansas City this weekend and of course I woke up with the dreaded “first impression pimple”. It is in the standard location, close to my mouth where everyone will notice. Now guys, I am going to educate you a little bit here. This is the kind of thing that happens to a lot of women. Whether it be a big date, a public speech, a photo shoot or a class reunion, something always goes a little wrong. For instance: we start our period and we are moody and bloated, our hair will not do a thing and it is also humid and windy outside, we get a lovely pimple or even a cold sore in the most inconvenient place. So fellas, give a girl a break. The next time you go out on a blind date and the girl has a big zit, she’s a little weepy and her hair looks like shit, just give her the benefit of the doubt and go out again the next week. She may be a whole new person. Thank you!

Now, onto the pictures. I told my friend Lisa I would post a couple “not so cute” pictures of me and I am going to start with my big hair college days. These are 2 pictures of me with my roommates(I am so cool in my hat, he he). Of course we were drunk….hence the corny expressions. I have found even worse ones, so be prepared. Laugh away!!

Tuesday

2006-06-20T10:32:00.000-05:00

I just don't have shit to say. I'm gonna try to visit people on my list so they know I still like them. Later!

Is is Friday yet?

2006-06-19T09:50:00.000-05:00

I tell ya, if people weren’t so amusing, I would be bored outta my mind! I had a great, fun filled weekend….and only because I was entertained by others. I was asked to play in a memorial softball tourney by a girl I went to High School with that owns the local adult video shop. So, of course our team name was the name of her store (Fantasy Island…HA)….how could I pass that up? Then, to make it even better, I found out there were 2 other guys I went to school with on the team….who are big drinkers (just part of going to my High School). Anyway, our team pretty much sucked, because it takes more than 4 good players to beat competitive level teams. We had fun anyway since the guys were smashed and I was felling pretty happy myself by the second game. I swear I do better with a buzz….I think it’s the being relaxed part of it. Every time we were up to bat the guys would start yelling “Go porn shack”, it was a hoot. We were done playing by 3 in the afternoon and ended up staying there until 10 that night drinking in the parking lot and making several appearances at other games to scream obnoxiously at friends that were playing. Okay, to keep this short, the 2 most amusing things people did of the evening were the lap dance I got from the drunkest guy on our team. He took his pants down in the parking lot….crazy! He also had to inform me what a stud he was and point out the girls he had screwed or could screw if he wanted. That is always a big turn on for me….don’t know about the rest of you ladies! *sarcasm* The other amusing person was the girlfriend of my other old classmate. He told us she got grossed out real easy….but I had no idea how bad. People like that crack me up, since nothing bothers me. We started passing around some bottles of Boones someone brought and every time it got to her she would wipe it off real good before taking a drink. On the third pass to her, her boyfriend said “cut it out and just drink the pubic hair”. I thought it was funny, but she started gagging….that made it hilarious. She never threw up, but gagged for like 5 minutes. As soon as she was done, somebody would pop off with something else. I started feeling sorry for her, but couldn’t help laughing….I mean damn, why hang around people like us? She ended up leaving early. But hey, don’t feel sorry for her, she was being a bitch to her boyfriend(before the remark) and was mad cuz she was sure all the women were after him. Please! Don’t women like that drive you crazy? I feel like I haven’t been home in ages, so I think I am going to hire a maid to get me caught up. No, I’m not loaded, we just have non-English speaking women that clean houses for dirt cheap around here.

Deranged

2006-06-16T11:19:00.000-05:00

I was IMing my best bud Lisa this morning and she was trying to take some pics for her first HNT next week. I will tell you that she is very hard on herself....always...and it's not justified either...she's adorable! She started describing to me what she looked like in the pics she was getting....so I drew a picture of what was in my head. Now, just so you know, I am running on 2 hours of sleep, so the pictures in my head are silly!! Her description is as follows: " I look like I have a lazy eye....I have lots of lipstick on and look deranged.....my nose is big....my hair is in a pony tail and I am wearing a pink flamingo shirt.....yes, I said pink flamingo". Now I am not sure what is hip in clothing in SC, but I would not be caught dead wearing a pink shirt with little birds on it here! I am so glad she has a blog....making fun of real life friends is so entertaining....to me anyway!

Scumbag was feeling left out, so I thought I would draw the picture I had in my head of him. Genious went fishin with no sunscreen. He probably looks like he is sluffing by now!

Excuses!

2006-06-15T08:11:00.000-05:00

I could come up with tons of reasons why I won't have an HNT picture today, but I am sure you don't want to hear things like: 6 games of volleyball, then softball at 9:45, Vacation Bible school for the kiddie, getting up last this morning or anything like that. So, I will just apologize and either make it up to you tomorrow or double post next Thursday. There better not be any rioting in the street...ya hear?!

Did ya miss me?

2006-06-14T14:03:00.000-05:00

I took this morning off to get some personal things in order and now I have to get back to work. I have included before and during photos of my mantel project for DIY (do it yourself) Wednesday. I think it is coming along nicely, but I am not sure I can pull the rest of it off. I give a round of applause to all those woodworkers and tile layers out there. It is not as easy as it looks!! Have a great day all!

Bitch and Moan

2006-06-13T09:20:00.000-05:00

I hurt in places I didn’t know I had! I have less of a life this week than normal. On top of the usual routine, I am trying to finish building a mantle around my Mom’s fireplace before she gets back from Denmark on Friday. Yes, I have big balls….bring it. Sawing is damn had work…shit! Plus, I am fighting with the grout on the damn tile. I will try to remember to take a picture of my progress tonight and post it for DIY Wednesday (care of Sal). For you professional woodworkers out there….no laughing!

So, an explanation of the photo: Here I am getting ready for a basketball game. This is just my proof that I actually did play ball in college. The girl to the bottom right was my friend Kristin. She is the funniest person I have ever met and quite the partier. We would go out on the weekends and at Sunday practice I would be dragging ass while she was running 100 miles an hour up and down the court…bitch. Then she would go outside and light up a cig. I have no idea how she did it….but she did take meds for hyperactivity when she was young. She was a damn good player and very aggressive! The guy in the upper right was my Dad….he died 9 years ago this July 4th. He hung on for a week while his body was dying of cancer just so he could go out with a bang. Crazy bastard!

I am going to be hunting for embarrassing pictures of myself to post just for your amusement. I am bound to find tons. The big hair days are my greatest! This decision was inspired by Lisa…who is feeling self-conscious about the corny ones I posted of her.

Free Pussy!

2006-06-12T09:49:00.000-05:00

HA, that title is so deceiving! It got your attention though, didn't it. All I have to say is Monday's suck and I am going to kick my cat to the curb! She is trying to help me keep my house clean. Everytime I lay something on the floor, she pisses on it.....so, yes, my floors are now free of clutter. Damn cat!!

Introducing...

2006-06-09T10:36:00.000-05:00

My friend Lisa aka “Bar Wench”, is a new blogger. She is my real life friend and we have known each other forever. I am posting a couple pictures of her, but as soon as I can find them, I have one of us in Santa hats and also one in our ballet costumes. She will love that! The first one is her with my oldest daughter (about 8 years ago). The second one is her Sophomore picture….she is gonna kill me.
We went to Junior High and High School together, but didn’t become close friends until art class in college. She hung with a different crowd than I did (freaks). Okay, I’ll confess….the main reason we didn’t hang much back then is the fact she is 2 years younger than I am and I was a jock….and here friends were freaks. Lol, couldn’t help it! She is the coolest person ever and has a great talent at painting……and mixing drinks. I have so many stories to tell about her….but for the life of me I can’t remember them. I know there is a Halloween one at the Hatchery, but all I remember is drinking, stairs, a dance floor and stairs. I think we took pictures of that too! We did take a great vacation to Arkansas(don’t ask) one time and stayed at her grandparents condo. That was good fun! Here’s what I remember…boating, jumping off cliffs, winding roads and some cute guys coming over to drink with us. I wonder….maybe if my stories didn’t all involve drinking….I might remember more…hhhmmm. I just know we had fun and that’s what counts!

So, if you get a chance, go say “Hi” and make her feel at home here in blogland.
Have a great weekend everyone!!

Toy Box III....and other stuff

2006-06-08T08:40:00.000-05:00

It's that time again...HNT. Today I am posting a picture that you will NEVER see again and it won't be up for long. I promised DB a no panties shot....she better come through with hers!

I am not sure if you can see it or not, but this is a picture of a nasty looking bruise...I think I was supposed to use my mitt!

Here is a picture of the beautiful flowers my friend Lisa sent me from North Carolina for my Birthday. Garsh, ain't she just the sweetest?

I know these pics are totally unrelated, but I figure the last 2 can take your mind off the first one! HAPPY HNT!!!

Yes, I am old today!

2006-06-06T08:45:00.000-05:00

I was so cute when I was little....what the hell happened? Funny thing...I did have to grow into my mouth!

I can't say I am where I want to be or doing what I had hoped I would be doing at this age, but for the most part I am pretty darn happy and actually, I think there are probably more people in the same situation than not. So, on a positive note today...I have made a list of a some pluses in my life:
I have 2 beautiful healthy kids
a house of my own
a dog
a cat(plus and minus)
my mom is still alive and very supportive
I have the coolest personality and have numerous friends
I have the ability to toot my own horn on my Birthday
I am sometimes slightly amusing
I'm very healthy (for a fat girl)
The majority of my friends are in their late 20's and I can totally hang.
I got game!
yea, that's enough of that! Be happy today....I heard the world is supposed to end and you know how you can believe everything you hear. :)

Stupid is as stupid does!

2006-06-05T14:21:00.000-05:00

I decided to take a break and write my weekend story, since blogger isn't letting me comment much on blogs. It was quite eventful…..but not in the way you would think. On Friday night I stopped by the ballpark to watch a friend play. Her game wasn’t until 9:45, so we were there for several hours(with beer). After the game I went to the bar with her and several of her VERY cool teammates. We had so much fun that night, but at the end of the night (of course) as the bar was closing. Some girl walked by Kim, who was standing next to me and pushed her into the wall…..for no reason at all. Kim said “what the fuck” and the girl threw her drink on her and came at her and smacked her in the forehead and had a ring on. This put a cut in the top of her forehead and blood was running down her face. I have no idea what the hell came over me, but I imagine it was the alcohol, combined with sexual frustration, the site of blood and my period all in one. Next thing I knew I walked up and clocked the girl. If you know me….it is very unlike me to be that way…..I mean NEVER! I am always one of those “I am sure there is a way to work it out” kind of people. Not Friday night, it was on! I was very calm about it….I figured hit for hit was fair. I felt really bad about it for the rest of the weekend. Then this morning I get 3 calls from friends who can’t believe it happened, but offered me a congrats. I guess I blackened her eye pretty good and she was getting married the next day. Yes, I know you all are feeling for her now, but just a side note…. her future husband spent the night in jail for fighting too and I have been told what a bitch she is and she started it! The rest of the weekend was great. Went to the lake and laid in the sun….now I am burned. Hhhmmm, all in all, I was kind of an idiot all weekend. My hair is getting blonder too!

Quickie

2006-06-05T08:12:00.000-05:00

Monday....argh! I have a ton of work to do, so I am just going to visit you guys when I get time and post about my weekend tomorrow. Hope you had a great one....feel free to tell me about it. Later!

Finally!

2006-06-02T10:29:00.000-05:00

I thought Friday would never get here! I am supposed to go out tonight to celebrate my Birthday, so I have my fingers crossed. I have a friend I truly enjoy, but to be honest she is not dependable. The only time plans work out is if they are very last minute....like she calls me at 8pm and says hey you wanna go out in a couple hours? Obviously she is single with no kids. So, to have us plan a day in advance is a little scary. Anyway, you all are probably tired of softball stories since that is the only thing in my life right now, but my daughter did have 3 hits last night. This is impressive because it only took me 10 minutes to teach her to hit before her game.....enough said.

It is now June, so I am starting to get excited about my trip to KC to party with the Wedding Party and watch SHS kick some punks ass....Legally! It will be great fun, I am hoping to remember it all.

All I have is random shit....hhhmmm, did you ever wonder what makes people go off the deep end mentally? I have recently had the experience of a run-in with a blogger that lives in a total fantasy world. I am so shocked by this I don't even know how to express it. I knew people like this were out there because my ex's mom and brother are both compulsive liars and even when they get caught in lies, they just make up more. I was always so appalled that the rest of the family just went along with it. How weird!! What causes shit like that? Originally my college major was in the psychology field, so I have enough courses to have a minor, but damn, people are scary! Another thing I find interesting is that it usually seems to be women that are so unstable.....so why are most serial killers men? Do the women just not get caught? Do the crazy women just like the mental suffering they cause and don't kill often? so many questions. Why do I even care....there's a good question.

subject change...I need a beer....ice cold....smooth.

My best friend is starting a blog. I can't wait to introduce her. Speaking of crazy! lol She is an artist too, so we are both a little loopy....but at least we can admit it. I love her so! Have a great weekend!!

Toy Box II....and a story

2006-06-01T08:24:00.000-05:00

One day of utter sadness is all I can handle. I am going to be happy that I knew Larry and that he touched my life. The End! So, let's have a Happy Half Naked Thursday....it was Larry's favorite day anyway! I only had a split second to take this after my shower and before my daughter started banging on my door.

Okay, I have a cute little kid story that has nothing to do with the HNT, but I am going to tell it anyway.....cuz it's my blog. Of course I had a bad day yesterday, but last night was pretty good. I had a softball game and we totally kicked some ass! Sports are so great to get your mind off of life, I highly recommend them. Anyway, I didn't knock out any lights or make it rain....so yea for me. After we got home, the girls and I were in the living room and my daughter plopped down right between my legs. I said "whoa, good thing I don't have a set of balls". That made them laugh and was a bit off color, but hey, I was in jock mode. So, I told them I should probably use the technical terms for body parts and repeated "whoa, good thing I don't have a set of testicles". Then my oldest pops off with "or a penis". I said "Hey, Emma doesn't know that one" and of course Emma asked "what's a venus"? Okay, at this point we are all tired and everything is funny, so I tell her that Venus is a planet and a razor and she says "and a song".....well hell, there went the laughter........and yes, Emma said it "I'm your penis" to the tune of the song(I'm your Venus). I didn't think we would ever stop laughing!! I know my children are warped just like there mom, but damn it, we have a good time. I did tell them I never wanted to hear the word penis come out of their mouths again.

Life is so unfair!

2006-05-31T09:44:00.000-05:00

This is a sad day! I just found out that Farmboy Larry, a good blog friend, died on Saturday. I was going to post his picture, but it doesn't feel right. I knew something was wrong because we e-mailed every weekday and talked on the phone several days a week. I didn't hear a word from him yesterday......just not like him. I am not sure even how to feel. We never got the chance to meet, but yet I felt so close to him. I knew something was wrong, but he wouldn't give me the details because he didn't want to upset me. I thought it was something with his kids. I never imagined it was happening to him. He was a wonderful caring man and I am a better person just for knowing him! He let us into his real life and real feelings without holding back. Just for a man to do that shows what an open, honest, mature person he was. He was passionate about so many things and didn't hold back or play games. He always had good advice for any situation and had experienced so many things that he was a vast well of knowledge. So, here I sit at work with tears running down my face and feeling a great loss. I have never felt this much emotion for someone I never met, so I am wondering if I am a little nuts! I am sending my love to Larry's family and I know they knew what a great man he was.

Sorry if I am not around today.....Hug the ones you love right now!!

I got a tan!

2006-05-30T08:36:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I think that was the only thing I accomplished this weekend. Okay, I did get a lot of cleaning done, but where is the fun in that? I really enjoyed having 3.5 days off, but of course it wasn't nearly enough. My to do list for the weekend was as follows:
1. Get a tan
2. Get drunk
3. Get laid
I only did #1, is that depressing? YES! Although I didn't even try at the other two. I think my priorities are all outta wack! I will be making up for it next weekend! I did swim a lot and had fun with my girls, so I guess that's all that matters. I am still half asleep. I hope you all had a fun weekend. What did ya do??

In rememberance...

2006-05-25T09:53:00.000-05:00

In honor if Memorial Day approaching, I have put together past HNTs so we can all look back and think about all the happy times.......

FINE! I forgot to take a picture and this was the best I could do. Happy HNT!!

Washed out

2006-05-24T08:35:00.000-05:00

I think I may be jinxed. My daughter was supposed to have her first softball game last night. The team before hers ran over 30 minutes long and the second her team took the field there was a huge lightning strike and the rain started coming down. I swear if I'm not knocking out the lights, then I am making it rain. My games are on Mon-Wed and hers are on Tues-thurs, so I have to be at the damn ball park 4 nights a week until July....they will know me well! We'll see if I get to play a whole game tonight. I am going for the score board next. ha ha ha ha (evil laugh)

Lights Out!

2006-05-23T09:05:00.000-05:00

The funniest thing happened to me last night….okay, it was funny to me. Softball season started last week and my team never actually got a chance to practice before our games started. It was either raining or too cold for several of the sissy bitches on the team. So, our first game last Monday was the first time I had put a bat in my hands since last summer. Needless to say, I didn’t do real well hitting that night, but I play first and did get my groove back there. Well, last night was our 3rd game and I finally have my swing back. The game was late and didn’t start until after 9pm because they were having issues with the lights. The first inning we scored three and the other team scored 1. I got a base hit, but nothing to call home about. In the second inning…I get up to bat and POW, I knocked the damn thing into the outfield. Just as it is about to drop, the lights went out. Everyone started laughing cuz it was like my hit had something to do with it. We ended up having to re-schedule the game because they couldn’t get the lights working properly, so now I get to be the blamed one. Just wait until I really knock the lights out….I will be glad to take credit for that!!

Boo-Hoo

2006-05-22T08:53:00.000-05:00

This entry is more of documentation for me than anything else, so I apologize for laying all my personal shit out there. It is not like me to let it all hang out and this is bound to get very long and boring! This weekend was a turning point in my life. As most of you that are my friends here know I recently went through a divorce. I am one of those people that fall hard when they fall. I am someone who does not ever give up easily, so to have a failed marriage has been an overwhelming disappointment in my life. I have no idea why I have had such a hard time letting go. My ex is not a very nice person, but after putting in 8 years of hard labor, I do have him changed into a much better person than when we got together. At least he finally has a few sets of morals now and his temper has calmed down a bit. Anyway, what I am saying is that I have not actually got over the relationship and he hasn’t completely either. He does have a semi-girlfriend, but since he is not working due to surgery on his arm and doesn’t get work comp, he is using her for a place to stay and eat and pay his bills(he lives an hour from here). He has been spending a lot of time at my place too and since I am in the condition I am, I have been screwing him. Being the mentally stable person I am I was sure I could separate the sex from the emotional stuff, but I was wrong(I blame the artist in me). It has been fun to have us all together as a family and the girls have really enjoyed it. My problem is that I have been enjoying it too much and have not worked very hard on moving forward with my life. I have turned down several dating possibilities because I want more than anything to be a whole family, but if he wanted the same thing, then he wouldn’t be with someone else too. I know most of his sole motivation is the fact that his girlfriend’s daddy is a millionaire, but family should come first. SO, I finally grew up and told him that I needed to get over him and that he needed to spend more time with his girlfriend and decide if she is the one that can make him happy. I also told him he could not stay at my house anymore and his time with the girls would be without me. This should give us both the opportunity to move on. I have no idea if I am doing any of the right things and I should probably seek counseling, but who has the time? Thank you for listening and have a great week!!

I have to get work done at the job I have been neglecting, so I won’t be around, but I promise to visit and get caught up with ya’ll real soon!

Sorry!

2006-05-19T15:29:00.000-05:00

I know I have been neglecting my friends over here, I am so sorry. I have got caught up in a rowdy crowd over at the lounge. They are addictive, like Dorritos and bean dip....I just can't stop. I will be back soon and I hope you all have a great weekend!!

Open Toy Box

2006-05-18T09:05:00.000-05:00

I thought I would see how red and purple looked together!
Happy HNT everyone!!

Grosser than gross!

2006-05-16T11:42:00.000-05:00

Today is a much better day! I thought since several people seemed to be entertained by my nasty townsfolk, I would tell you about the nastiest married couple we have here. They are the Boyers….and yes I have no problem saying there name….please hunt them down. So here’s the image. The wife is all of 400 pounds, short dirty blonde hair (I don’t mean the color), wears glasses that are about 3 inches thick, cusses like a sailor (in public) and has the one tooth of the family ( her most attractive feature). Now I don’t want you to think I make fun of anybody. I love people and only the truly evil ones get my stamp of approval to trash about. The husband is about 4 inches shorter than his wife and only 200 pounds. He wears the same glasses (they must share). His hair looks permanently wind blown with chunks of unmentionable stuff in it. My first experience with this couple was back in my lifeguarding days. I taught swimming lessons and they enrolled their kids because it was cheap and they thought they could get a free swim out of it. Yes, this couple re-produced…. 3 very fucked up kids. They only had 2 at that time and both had severe ADHD….of course. I ended up asking the parents to go sit on a lounger away from my area and to stay out of the pool. It wasn’t a bathtub for goodness sake! I might add that they fondled all over each other when they came to the pool (in clothes, not suits). I asked them to leave several times…they don’t like me…hhmmm. Anyway, recently I found out that they moved one of her relatives into their shack with them so they could all have sex together. It’s the sickest thing ever. My stomach still turns to this day. Then, I found out that they had gone months without water service. Fuck that! Those kids need more than that. I called the health department and the kids were gone in a matter of hours. They are now in foster homes and are in school with clean clothes and a more stable environment. I really felt like I was nosing where I shouldn’t, but when it comes to kid’s welfare if we don’t all help out, they may never have a chance at happiness! The Boyers still have no water service and don’t bathe, but seem to be perfectly happy without their children. I just want to walk up and bitch slap both of them when I see them, but instead they get the “you disgust me you filthy trash” look instead.

It's Monday!

2006-05-15T08:10:00.000-05:00

Yea, crappy weekend.....I got nothin'! Talk amongst yourselves.

Blah, blah, blah

2006-05-12T10:36:00.000-05:00

Brief update:

Stalker moved out from across the street and checked himself into treatment. Yay!

Kitten died. I let a friend try to help and I think it stressed the little thing out too much. *tear*

I completely cleaned off my back sun porch and threw away all the cat stuff. Not doing it again!! My daughter picked out the paint…..sunbeam yellow. I can’t open my eyes when I go out there without shades on, but the plants should grow well!

I finally called in on my neighbors behind me so that they have to mow their yard. You can’t use weeds as fencing no matter how big of a redneck you are!

I need sex!

I also need a vacation, but can’t afford to drive anywhere with the gas prices. I feel like I am stuck in a rather large jail cell.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with shit to write on here when all I do is get up….go to work….and then go home and run my kids around to sports and activities?
Oh, I could tell you about a character that comes into my workplace often. I bet everyone that reads this has a guy just like him in your town! His name is Kenny and he is the most repulsive man you could ever meet. He comes in here to see the attorney. His hair is so greasy it nearly drips onto his already stained, ripped t-shirt. If you look closely you can tell what he has eaten for the last week! Eeww! He is one of those guys that gets in your personal space bubble to talk to you. Luckily, I am behind a rather high counter, but he leans in as close as he can get. His teeth are full of who knows what….but I guess at least he has a tooth. He wears the same nasty jean jacket whether it is winter or summer and he always has a gross story to tell. He does not go away until I tell him to. He came in last week and the attorney was not here, so he told me a joke that I was supposed to try real hard to remember…..did I mention he is a pig and does not think much of women? Anyway, here it is…What does a bobbed wire fence and a mini skirt have in common? They both protect the merchandise, but don’t block the view. *bah-ding* It would have been a little amusing coming from someone who wasn’t such a sick fuck!! I know you want to feel sorry for him, but he has lots of money....he's just lazy and nasty! As soon as he leaves I grab the alcohol pads and the Lysol and get to work.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I plan to come here on a Monday sometime and tell you all about a great sex full weekend. Shyea…that will happen. I would never bore you with routine sex I have with the ex when I am desperate! lol