Takin' a break!

I am skipping posting this week. I will miss you all, and when I get time I will visit. I should be back next Tuesday and will hopefully have fun Canoe Trip stories. Have a great week! HUGS!!

I Got Highlights!

I just figured if I start adding highlights to my hair now, then when it turns white cuz I'm old....it won't be such a shock. Happy HNT people!!

Not a damn thing!

Usually I have a lot of nothing to say....well that still holds true. The kids are back in school,(YAY!) no more lunches for me to make. The oldest is at the top in the 6th grade and she thinks she is the shit (because she is!). The little one started second grade and said eveyone was wrong... she didn't get the mean teacher. Well, sorry babe, you never can tell that on the first day of class, good luck when she goes all bitch on your ass. Hey, I've done it, Emma should be used to it (he hee). Here's one for "Kids say the darndest things":

Mom: How was your first day?
Emma: Good, I like my teacher, she is really nice.
Mom: Great honey, who do you sit by?
Emma: Oh, I sit by "Sack Lunch Boy" and "The Stinky Kid".
Mom: Bwahahahahaha
Mom: (After composing myself) That is not very nice to say.
Emma: But he smells like old people.
Mom: Bwahahahaha (I give up!)

That shit was funny! I totally remember those kids when I was in school....did they just never pass the second grade? Maybe they are the kids of the kids....ew, keep it in the family!

Catchin' up!

I am quite the lazy blogger lately, I'm sorry. I don't know that it is going to get better for a little while but I will try and keep up. I may just go around and see what you all have been up to instead of posting for a couple days after this.
On Friday I had a big write up about Thursday because it was such a fun night, but now it's old news so I will just talk about what a weird Saturday night I had. I totally over did it and of course made an ass outta myself, but at least not until the end of the night. I went out with my friend Beth, who is the same girl I took to Manhattan to shoot the wedding with me. We started at 8pm, which I knew was a bad idea, but there was a block party to go to and food was being served. When we got there it was packed already and there were about 10 coolers full of free beer and pop, plus a bartender and free alcohol. Beth was the DD, so game on. The worst thing was the fact that when I stopped drinking beer and switched to Rum, it was dark and the bartender could not see how much she was pouring.....it kicked my ass! The crowd was strange for me since I am used to hanging out with 25ish year old softball players. This was a more elite crowd, with our doctors, dentists, a chiropractor, and several contractors (didn't know any one else) in it. Those guys sure don't hold back when they have something to say. One dentist made some perverted comment about loving the scent of a woman and noticed when I walked by. WFT is that supposed to mean....that he liked my perfume or knew I was on the rag....weirdo. I was ready to get out of there by 11pm so we headed to my friends bar and she made me a Long Island Ice tea....with too much tequila (ouch). That was mistake #2. After I downed that we went to our so called country bar in town. This is where Beth's older friends hang out. I started playing pool and must have been coherent enough to play because I won the first 2 games and got free drinks out of the deal....stupid! I lost the last 2 and still got drinks, but I was done for the night. Actually that is all I remember, my friend filled me in on the rest. She said I sat down at the table with the 7 of them and was totally entertaining cracking all kinds of sex jokes (geez!). She said she had no idea I was that gone or she would have cut me off. Here is the part that sucks! I don't remember her taking me home, but I do remember a 5am trip to worship the porcelain god. ugh! I thought I lost my phone, so I spent the day without it and went out to the bar with the owner to look for it. Apparently, I put it on silent instead of vibrate/ring. It was stuck between the wall and the bed at home. I will not be taking my phone out with me again and I will also be slowing it down quite a bit after the canoe trip. I should really grow up...sheesh.

HNT

I was asked what a 35" inseam looked like....well, here is about 25" of it. I probably should have wiped down the mirror. Happy HNT!!

Hump day!

I had a great night last night and so far this is a pretty damn great day…..so needless to say, I am in a good mood!!! Here’s the run down:

-Went to check out Lisa’s pad and see her niece (aahhh)
-Won softball game by one run in the last inning…yay….drank a beer.
-Got asked to play in a tourney this weekend….fun! FUN!
-Talked to Emma! Yes bitches, I have her number and it is not for sale. She loves me! HA
-Talked to a friend online while half naked (computers rule!)…..I laughed a LOT!
-Got up real late, in my hurry I put on a shirt that gapes open, so had to hunt for a safety pin at work…good times :)
-You have no idea how happy I am that Lisa is back in town. She brought me lunch at work (and a safety pin). The sandwich was to die for…..if she does not open a Deli here, I will do bad things to her!

That’s it…..oh my exciting life, how can you stand the suspense of the next day?

Sleep? What's that?

My kids were gone all weekend and I took the opportunity to get some training in for Labor Day weekend. I started 1 hour after they left and stopped when I woke up to go get them. I feel like I did a satisfactory job! Lol
It really was a fun and eventful weekend. I imagine when I look back at my blog a couple months from now, my weekends will alternate between “hung out with my girls” and got drunk all weekend”. I suppose it could be worse and it could say “drank all week”, but hey, not everyone can have Scumbags life! Ha ha….just kidding buddy!!
So, Friday night started out kind of interesting. The ex came to town to pick up the girls and was suppose to buy us supper….but darn it, he forgot his wallet (how convenient), so I paid as usual. My friend Beth started calling me about 7pm telling me she was hungry and was ready to head to the bar in town that had free food on Fridays…..can’t beat that! We ended up going out at 8pm to grab a bite to eat since I didn’t eat with my fam. Well, starting at 8 is quite early for me, so you can imagine how I felt about 3:30am. We had talked about going swimming but decided against it (thank goodness!), I may have drowned. I spent a total of 7 dollars and we went to 4 bars. I love when people insist on buying me drinks! We hung with everyone from rockers, to bikers to old business guys to young hotties. It was a blast! We have a new place that serves a breakfast buffet until 5am….that’s exciting for this place. The food was good, but ug…not the day after.
I didn’t wake up until 11:30 Saturday morning (aside from an obscene phone call at 7am….paybacks are hell. lol)….WOW, I have not slept like that since before I had kids.

Saturday afternoon, I headed to the lake here to lay out and I was joined by 3 other friends. They brought beer and we started in again…damn. By 6pm, we were down to 2 of us and we had gone through a 12 pack, some other peoples beer and had put a dent in a 30 pack. We ate at a fish fry on the south end of the lake for supper. Then, I went home to shower and 2 hours later was back out heading to the bar. I just have to say “Lisa made it”!!!! She is now officially living here. She was tired and exhausted from moving and still made the effort to go out (trooper!).I was so excited to see her. We went out with several girls she will be working with. It was a weird night and the bars were filled with different people instead of the usual crowds. I had the most fun people watching! We were in a group of 5 girls and we were laughing so loud and having so much fun it drew a crowd. After the bar we headed to Beth’s to have some girls only fun. Okay, now you sick minded fucks, we just went to talk about guys, sex and did some lemon drop shots. I was home by 4am and even stayed up to watch some TV. I think I faired pretty well and should have one more weekend go around before the trip!

Baby Got Back!

I finally made it! And as I said, I am trying to tone it down....I may have gotten carried away with the requests and the horniness!

Happy HNT ya'll!

I'm venting!

This is so stupid, but I am so mad! I go to Alltel yesterday to get a new cell phone cuz mine is 2 years old and a piece of shit. The lady tells me Motorola is the best for service and battery life and has a good camera on it (bonus), so I take her advice. After 30 minutes or so she has me all set up and tells me I have to re-enter all my contacts. Damn it, I have about 70 numbers in my phone. Well, that's pretty much all I did last night! About 9pm my phone rings and it's some guy that wants to go out with me. I say "hello" and can't hear a damn thing, so I hang up. I call my home phone and my daughter says she can hear me, but I can't hear anything. FUCK! Now, I know you are thinking it is some simple button.....wrong! I am very mechanically and technologically savy and I can't get the sumbitch to do a thing. About 10pm Scumbag calls and it's the same shit. I just talked into the damn thing and told him I was on a piece of shit. So, first thing this morning I called Motorola.....the guy was a total dipshit. He had me take out the battery and re-set everything and check the volume. It must take a genious to work there. He refered me to my local store who wanted me to do the same thing. We checked some settings and he said it was probably messed up.......ya think?? I hate when men think women are idiots. I even read the fucking manual!! Anyway, I got ahold of the sales lady and she is going to get me a new one and transfer my numbers for me later this morning, so I have calmed down, but why didn't she make sure the thing worked before I left the store? I guess I should know by now that people are only as smart as the people who train them. I should really get out of this town!

UPDATE: The V-beam laser procedure for my face is going to be $350. That's not much compared to the photofacial procedure which costs about $2,000. They only get the laser in the office once every 2 months and the end of August is the next time. The only problem is that I am saving for a drunkenfest canoe trip with the Wedding Party over Labor Day and I am not supposed to be in the sun for a couple weeks after the treatment. I guess they will just have to deal with my rosieness and I will wait until October. The things I do for fun....I swear!

On Auto-Pilot

Could my life get any busier? I have not seen my front door until almost 10pm the last 2 nights. Maybe summer ending soon will be a good thing. School August 21st....the countdown begins! I wrote a check for $110 yesterday at enrollment, ugh!
Sorry I wasn't around yesterday to visit and chat. I spent the morning doing Monday work things and then I spent 3 hours in an allergist's office with my eldest weedette trying to figure out why she wakes up stuffy and with a stomach ache so often. Well, after having about 60 tiny needles poked in her back and then 10 shoved into her arms, we found out she is allergic to mold and dust and has a mild allery to cats and dogs. Yippee, just what I was hoping for. Now, I get to bye an expensive air purifier, an expensive matress and pillow cover, have to keep things even cleaner and the cat can't sleep with her anymore. She was happy to know that we didn't have to get rid of the cat (damn!). I am not allergic to a single thing, so this is going to be a new challenge to deal with. I just hope it make her feel like a new pre-teen! I hope to have time to stop by today....Happy Tuesday.

Change is in the air!

Good news is my whorish new friend has a steady boyfriend...yayyyy! Bad news is, now she is devoting every minute to him and we don't get to hang out anymore, but it's all good as long as she is happy. Besides.....my best friend Lisa is moving back to town next weekend...can't beat that!!!
It was a boring weekend! I went out Saturday night and just chilled at my friends bar. My prison buddy Thomas showed up, so I did have some eye candy even though I didn't make the effort to talk to him. I actually felt a little sorry for him because there were some real assholes there that came in just to try and start shit. They know he can't get into any trouble and won't fight them. They finally got kicked out and all was good. Thomas looks like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine and his stare will pierce right through you.....I had to turn my back to him. Damn....moving on.
I really wish I had something enlightening to say, but it's way to early in the morning. Maybe something will inspire me later. I hope you all had a more eventful weekend than I did.

Inspired HNT.....not G-rated!!

What do you do with your kids when they are a fucking nightmare and you want a break? You send them to Vacation Bible School. I had the pleasure of helping with a class full of first graders last night until 9pm....4 of which I would have liked to take out back and smack a few times with a switch! You get the picture, I went home exhausted. I hugged my girls and told them how awesome they were and went to bed!!

The second picture is for Emma.....I showed butthole!! look real close. Also, I have a mole in my ass crack, how freaky is that. Never looked at my own crack before. I am surprised nonody ever told me it was there. Happy HNT folks!!

Just Wednesday shit

So, I drove to Hays, KS (1 hour) yesterday to visit with a dermatologist about a procedure called the "V-Beam". Just to get you up to speed, I have Rosacea and have had it for about 6 years. Here is the clinical definition if you have no idea what I am talking about:

Rosacea (pronounced "roh-ZAY-sha") is a chronic and potentially life-disruptive disorder primarily of the facial skin, often characterized by flare-ups and remissions. Many have observed that it typically begins any time after age 30 as a redness on the cheeks, nose, chin or forehead that may come and go. In some cases, rosacea may also occur on the neck, chest, scalp or ears. Over time, the redness becomes ruddier and more persistent, and visible blood vessels may appear. Left untreated, bumps and pimples often develop, and in severe cases the nose may grow swollen and bumpy from excess tissue. This is the condition, called rhinophyma (pronounced "rhi-no-FY-muh"), that gave the late comedian W.C. Fields his trademark bulbous nose. In many rosacea patients, the eyes are also affected, feeling irritated and appearing watery or bloodshot.

You know those old guys with the big lumpy puffy noses, that usually were alcoholics in their younger days? Well, that's one of the worse forms of untreated Rosacea. It sounds a lot worse than it really is. Mine is very mild because I have been treating it for a long time. The only thing I have trouble with are tiny red veins on my cheeks that make it look like I am blushing all the time. I just usually wear make-up on them and nobody even notices. The good thing is the fact that I take VERY good care of my skin now! Anyway, this V-Beam is a treatment that uses a laser and destroys the tiny veins. I am very excited. The only downfall is the fact that I will be red and possibly very puffy for a few days afterward. That will suck! Oh, here is another thing about it. There are things they call "activators" that make your face redder at times. They are things I can't and will not avoid, including.....sun, wind, spicy food and alcohol. I can't wait until they come up with a cure. If you have any of the symptoms from above, drop me a line, I would love to help ya out!

Onto softball! Now that I have played a game with each co-ed team that I am on, I know what to expect. I really like my competitive league team the best! We are sponsored by a bar(go figure). I threw together a design for our shirts yesterday. The bar is called "The Holy Beaver". I guess they get a new logo out of the deal too. The bat is named the "golden schwartz", I have yet to name the beaver. Here are several things I have learned about playing with men and my teams: 1. We have several very hot, young guys on both teams(bonus). 2. Men are winers. 3. They can mess up, but you better not! 4. They don't like when girls are better than they are. 5. They can't handle pain. 6. They are too competitive and need to relax. 7. Party if you win!! It's a good thing both of my teams won.

Wanna help me name my beaver??