I've got pictures!

One thing I learned from my trip to KC is that I am not photogenic and I shoot crappy pics when I am drunk….okay, I lied…I already knew that! There are too many pics to post at once, so here are just a few.
The first thing I did was head to Pearls for a BBQ. She greeted me with a big ole smile and a hug (what a sweetie).

As the night progressed the group got bigger, louder and drunker….just as it should be. There was dancing and mayhem to be had. As you can see in the pictures, we are a damn good looking group and rather enjoy playing with kids toys.

Since PBC and Scum have issues with their sanitary eating habits, they were banned to the kids table.

Here we see Pearl’s daughter getting giggy with it….that girl could dance. Are you sure daddy is white??

SHS finally showed up, but had to stay sober because of the big fight the next day. Poor wittle guy had to watch the rest of us idiots be obnoxious. He practiced a couple moves on PBC just to make sure he was ready.

Dem some sexy bitches there.

MORE TO COME.....

Snooze!

Wake me up when it's Friday...I'm fantasizing about someone! Any guesses?
Happy HNT!!


Oops..I dream in color!

Oops!

I was anxious to see my photos from the weekend, so I went to the store yesterday and dropped the camera off and ordered doubles and a CD. I went to get them as soon as possible and when I started looking at them, there were pictures like the one I posted. Son of a bitch! I grabbed the extra camera I gave to my 7 year old for her to use at the zoo and the ball park. I can't believe I got doubles of that shit now! I am really wondering when this week is going to end. ugh! I guess I will have to do a Friday party post since tomorrow is HNT and I have 4 hours of activities tonight....sorry. Beer me!! (could have said shoot me)

Whew! Home at last.

The Wedding Party is a sham!! I was all prepared to get stabbed, shot, hit over the head with a whiskey bottle and made to roll out of a boat after jello shots. Pishaw….they are a group of the nicest people I have ever met. They opened up their homes and their friends to a total stranger and I had the most fun I have had in a really long time! I miss them already. Okay, not to totally destroy their image….they are vulgar, loud, crazy, obscene, alcoholic partiers…That’s just my kind of crowd! I will have pictures (if Scumbag didn’t ruin them putting it down his pants) soon, so I will post some detailed stories about the weekend when I get them up. In the meantime, here are a few highlights of the adventure:

-Beer, shots, vodka tonic and wine.
-Pearls potato salad and Natalie’s cake
-The percolator
-Who passed out? Who threw up?
-Face humping Anna
-Shiney nut sack(Gay Flash)
-The knock out
-Losing 3 pounds despite all the food and drink.
-The honor of shaking the hands of 2 Chiefs ticket holders. I still have not washed it....it's kinda sticky now.
-SHS the celeb
-PBC’s tickle spot
-Scumbag the human weeble-wobble
-Where did that bruise come from?
-IHOP
-Country Stampede break down.

Confused yet?
Sorry I wasn’t here yesterday….part of the weekend story too. Have a great week!!

I got Frenched!

I went to the shop last night and had my nails filled and my feet done so I would be all groomed for my adventure this weekend. The regular owners are on vacation in Vietnam and their relatives are running the shop. The lady that worked on me was so funny! I couldn't understand every word, but she was pretty darn good at communicating. When I got to the pedicure chair, I had a polish color picked out, but she said "you no want toe to match nail? What color on nail?". I repeated that I wanted a French manicure on my nails and she said "you no want toe to match nail?", so I decided what the hell...do a french tip on my toes too. It's the "in" thing, but I think it's a little like having mini fingers on your feet....kinda freaky. As you can tell, I have a hard time saying no!

Then and Now...

I found this silly picture of me about 6 years ago in a towel in front of my ex's shower curtain. I let him decorate one room and he picked the bathroom(PBC&Scum, I am not a Dolphins fan!). Anyway, I took one this morning for a comparison....very scary! I have a lot of work to do!! I don't have what you call "natural" beauty, so I give my donations religiously to the make-up god! Happy HNT all!!

Big hair and bad hair days.

As you probably already know, I am making a trip to Kansas City this weekend and of course I woke up with the dreaded “first impression pimple”. It is in the standard location, close to my mouth where everyone will notice. Now guys, I am going to educate you a little bit here. This is the kind of thing that happens to a lot of women. Whether it be a big date, a public speech, a photo shoot or a class reunion, something always goes a little wrong. For instance: we start our period and we are moody and bloated, our hair will not do a thing and it is also humid and windy outside, we get a lovely pimple or even a cold sore in the most inconvenient place. So fellas, give a girl a break. The next time you go out on a blind date and the girl has a big zit, she’s a little weepy and her hair looks like shit, just give her the benefit of the doubt and go out again the next week. She may be a whole new person. Thank you!

Now, onto the pictures. I told my friend Lisa I would post a couple “not so cute” pictures of me and I am going to start with my big hair college days. These are 2 pictures of me with my roommates(I am so cool in my hat, he he). Of course we were drunk….hence the corny expressions. I have found even worse ones, so be prepared. Laugh away!!

Tuesday

I just don't have shit to say. I'm gonna try to visit people on my list so they know I still like them. Later!

Is is Friday yet?

I tell ya, if people weren’t so amusing, I would be bored outta my mind! I had a great, fun filled weekend….and only because I was entertained by others. I was asked to play in a memorial softball tourney by a girl I went to High School with that owns the local adult video shop. So, of course our team name was the name of her store (Fantasy Island…HA)….how could I pass that up? Then, to make it even better, I found out there were 2 other guys I went to school with on the team….who are big drinkers (just part of going to my High School). Anyway, our team pretty much sucked, because it takes more than 4 good players to beat competitive level teams. We had fun anyway since the guys were smashed and I was felling pretty happy myself by the second game. I swear I do better with a buzz….I think it’s the being relaxed part of it. Every time we were up to bat the guys would start yelling “Go porn shack”, it was a hoot. We were done playing by 3 in the afternoon and ended up staying there until 10 that night drinking in the parking lot and making several appearances at other games to scream obnoxiously at friends that were playing. Okay, to keep this short, the 2 most amusing things people did of the evening were the lap dance I got from the drunkest guy on our team. He took his pants down in the parking lot….crazy! He also had to inform me what a stud he was and point out the girls he had screwed or could screw if he wanted. That is always a big turn on for me….don’t know about the rest of you ladies! *sarcasm* The other amusing person was the girlfriend of my other old classmate. He told us she got grossed out real easy….but I had no idea how bad. People like that crack me up, since nothing bothers me. We started passing around some bottles of Boones someone brought and every time it got to her she would wipe it off real good before taking a drink. On the third pass to her, her boyfriend said “cut it out and just drink the pubic hair”. I thought it was funny, but she started gagging….that made it hilarious. She never threw up, but gagged for like 5 minutes. As soon as she was done, somebody would pop off with something else. I started feeling sorry for her, but couldn’t help laughing….I mean damn, why hang around people like us? She ended up leaving early. But hey, don’t feel sorry for her, she was being a bitch to her boyfriend(before the remark) and was mad cuz she was sure all the women were after him. Please! Don’t women like that drive you crazy? I feel like I haven’t been home in ages, so I think I am going to hire a maid to get me caught up. No, I’m not loaded, we just have non-English speaking women that clean houses for dirt cheap around here.

Deranged

I was IMing my best bud Lisa this morning and she was trying to take some pics for her first HNT next week. I will tell you that she is very hard on herself....always...and it's not justified either...she's adorable! She started describing to me what she looked like in the pics she was getting....so I drew a picture of what was in my head. Now, just so you know, I am running on 2 hours of sleep, so the pictures in my head are silly!! Her description is as follows: " I look like I have a lazy eye....I have lots of lipstick on and look deranged.....my nose is big....my hair is in a pony tail and I am wearing a pink flamingo shirt.....yes, I said pink flamingo". Now I am not sure what is hip in clothing in SC, but I would not be caught dead wearing a pink shirt with little birds on it here! I am so glad she has a blog....making fun of real life friends is so entertaining....to me anyway!

Scumbag was feeling left out, so I thought I would draw the picture I had in my head of him. Genious went fishin with no sunscreen. He probably looks like he is sluffing by now!

Excuses!

I could come up with tons of reasons why I won't have an HNT picture today, but I am sure you don't want to hear things like: 6 games of volleyball, then softball at 9:45, Vacation Bible school for the kiddie, getting up last this morning or anything like that. So, I will just apologize and either make it up to you tomorrow or double post next Thursday. There better not be any rioting in the street...ya hear?!

Did ya miss me?

I took this morning off to get some personal things in order and now I have to get back to work. I have included before and during photos of my mantel project for DIY (do it yourself) Wednesday. I think it is coming along nicely, but I am not sure I can pull the rest of it off. I give a round of applause to all those woodworkers and tile layers out there. It is not as easy as it looks!! Have a great day all!

Bitch and Moan

I hurt in places I didn’t know I had! I have less of a life this week than normal. On top of the usual routine, I am trying to finish building a mantle around my Mom’s fireplace before she gets back from Denmark on Friday. Yes, I have big balls….bring it. Sawing is damn had work…shit! Plus, I am fighting with the grout on the damn tile. I will try to remember to take a picture of my progress tonight and post it for DIY Wednesday (care of Sal). For you professional woodworkers out there….no laughing!

So, an explanation of the photo: Here I am getting ready for a basketball game. This is just my proof that I actually did play ball in college. The girl to the bottom right was my friend Kristin. She is the funniest person I have ever met and quite the partier. We would go out on the weekends and at Sunday practice I would be dragging ass while she was running 100 miles an hour up and down the court…bitch. Then she would go outside and light up a cig. I have no idea how she did it….but she did take meds for hyperactivity when she was young. She was a damn good player and very aggressive! The guy in the upper right was my Dad….he died 9 years ago this July 4th. He hung on for a week while his body was dying of cancer just so he could go out with a bang. Crazy bastard!

I am going to be hunting for embarrassing pictures of myself to post just for your amusement. I am bound to find tons. The big hair days are my greatest! This decision was inspired by Lisa…who is feeling self-conscious about the corny ones I posted of her.

Free Pussy!

HA, that title is so deceiving! It got your attention though, didn't it. All I have to say is Monday's suck and I am going to kick my cat to the curb! She is trying to help me keep my house clean. Everytime I lay something on the floor, she pisses on it.....so, yes, my floors are now free of clutter. Damn cat!!

Introducing...

My friend Lisa aka “Bar Wench”, is a new blogger. She is my real life friend and we have known each other forever. I am posting a couple pictures of her, but as soon as I can find them, I have one of us in Santa hats and also one in our ballet costumes. She will love that! The first one is her with my oldest daughter (about 8 years ago). The second one is her Sophomore picture….she is gonna kill me.
We went to Junior High and High School together, but didn’t become close friends until art class in college. She hung with a different crowd than I did (freaks). Okay, I’ll confess….the main reason we didn’t hang much back then is the fact she is 2 years younger than I am and I was a jock….and here friends were freaks. Lol, couldn’t help it! She is the coolest person ever and has a great talent at painting……and mixing drinks. I have so many stories to tell about her….but for the life of me I can’t remember them. I know there is a Halloween one at the Hatchery, but all I remember is drinking, stairs, a dance floor and stairs. I think we took pictures of that too! We did take a great vacation to Arkansas(don’t ask) one time and stayed at her grandparents condo. That was good fun! Here’s what I remember…boating, jumping off cliffs, winding roads and some cute guys coming over to drink with us. I wonder….maybe if my stories didn’t all involve drinking….I might remember more…hhhmmm. I just know we had fun and that’s what counts!

So, if you get a chance, go say “Hi” and make her feel at home here in blogland.
Have a great weekend everyone!!

Toy Box III....and other stuff

It's that time again...HNT. Today I am posting a picture that you will NEVER see again and it won't be up for long. I promised DB a no panties shot....she better come through with hers!

I am not sure if you can see it or not, but this is a picture of a nasty looking bruise...I think I was supposed to use my mitt!

Here is a picture of the beautiful flowers my friend Lisa sent me from North Carolina for my Birthday. Garsh, ain't she just the sweetest?

I know these pics are totally unrelated, but I figure the last 2 can take your mind off the first one! HAPPY HNT!!!

Yes, I am old today!

I was so cute when I was little....what the hell happened? Funny thing...I did have to grow into my mouth!

I can't say I am where I want to be or doing what I had hoped I would be doing at this age, but for the most part I am pretty darn happy and actually, I think there are probably more people in the same situation than not. So, on a positive note today...I have made a list of a some pluses in my life:
I have 2 beautiful healthy kids
a house of my own
a dog
a cat(plus and minus)
my mom is still alive and very supportive
I have the coolest personality and have numerous friends
I have the ability to toot my own horn on my Birthday
I am sometimes slightly amusing
I'm very healthy (for a fat girl)
The majority of my friends are in their late 20's and I can totally hang.
I got game!
yea, that's enough of that! Be happy today....I heard the world is supposed to end and you know how you can believe everything you hear. :)

Stupid is as stupid does!

I decided to take a break and write my weekend story, since blogger isn't letting me comment much on blogs. It was quite eventful…..but not in the way you would think. On Friday night I stopped by the ballpark to watch a friend play. Her game wasn’t until 9:45, so we were there for several hours(with beer). After the game I went to the bar with her and several of her VERY cool teammates. We had so much fun that night, but at the end of the night (of course) as the bar was closing. Some girl walked by Kim, who was standing next to me and pushed her into the wall…..for no reason at all. Kim said “what the fuck” and the girl threw her drink on her and came at her and smacked her in the forehead and had a ring on. This put a cut in the top of her forehead and blood was running down her face. I have no idea what the hell came over me, but I imagine it was the alcohol, combined with sexual frustration, the site of blood and my period all in one. Next thing I knew I walked up and clocked the girl. If you know me….it is very unlike me to be that way…..I mean NEVER! I am always one of those “I am sure there is a way to work it out” kind of people. Not Friday night, it was on! I was very calm about it….I figured hit for hit was fair. I felt really bad about it for the rest of the weekend. Then this morning I get 3 calls from friends who can’t believe it happened, but offered me a congrats. I guess I blackened her eye pretty good and she was getting married the next day. Yes, I know you all are feeling for her now, but just a side note…. her future husband spent the night in jail for fighting too and I have been told what a bitch she is and she started it! The rest of the weekend was great. Went to the lake and laid in the sun….now I am burned. Hhhmmm, all in all, I was kind of an idiot all weekend. My hair is getting blonder too!

Quickie

Monday....argh! I have a ton of work to do, so I am just going to visit you guys when I get time and post about my weekend tomorrow. Hope you had a great one....feel free to tell me about it. Later!

Finally!

I thought Friday would never get here! I am supposed to go out tonight to celebrate my Birthday, so I have my fingers crossed. I have a friend I truly enjoy, but to be honest she is not dependable. The only time plans work out is if they are very last minute....like she calls me at 8pm and says hey you wanna go out in a couple hours? Obviously she is single with no kids. So, to have us plan a day in advance is a little scary. Anyway, you all are probably tired of softball stories since that is the only thing in my life right now, but my daughter did have 3 hits last night. This is impressive because it only took me 10 minutes to teach her to hit before her game.....enough said.

It is now June, so I am starting to get excited about my trip to KC to party with the Wedding Party and watch SHS kick some punks ass....Legally! It will be great fun, I am hoping to remember it all.

All I have is random shit....hhhmmm, did you ever wonder what makes people go off the deep end mentally? I have recently had the experience of a run-in with a blogger that lives in a total fantasy world. I am so shocked by this I don't even know how to express it. I knew people like this were out there because my ex's mom and brother are both compulsive liars and even when they get caught in lies, they just make up more. I was always so appalled that the rest of the family just went along with it. How weird!! What causes shit like that? Originally my college major was in the psychology field, so I have enough courses to have a minor, but damn, people are scary! Another thing I find interesting is that it usually seems to be women that are so unstable.....so why are most serial killers men? Do the women just not get caught? Do the crazy women just like the mental suffering they cause and don't kill often? so many questions. Why do I even care....there's a good question.

subject change...I need a beer....ice cold....smooth.

My best friend is starting a blog. I can't wait to introduce her. Speaking of crazy! lol She is an artist too, so we are both a little loopy....but at least we can admit it. I love her so! Have a great weekend!!

Toy Box II....and a story

One day of utter sadness is all I can handle. I am going to be happy that I knew Larry and that he touched my life. The End! So, let's have a Happy Half Naked Thursday....it was Larry's favorite day anyway! I only had a split second to take this after my shower and before my daughter started banging on my door.

Okay, I have a cute little kid story that has nothing to do with the HNT, but I am going to tell it anyway.....cuz it's my blog. Of course I had a bad day yesterday, but last night was pretty good. I had a softball game and we totally kicked some ass! Sports are so great to get your mind off of life, I highly recommend them. Anyway, I didn't knock out any lights or make it rain....so yea for me. After we got home, the girls and I were in the living room and my daughter plopped down right between my legs. I said "whoa, good thing I don't have a set of balls". That made them laugh and was a bit off color, but hey, I was in jock mode. So, I told them I should probably use the technical terms for body parts and repeated "whoa, good thing I don't have a set of testicles". Then my oldest pops off with "or a penis". I said "Hey, Emma doesn't know that one" and of course Emma asked "what's a venus"? Okay, at this point we are all tired and everything is funny, so I tell her that Venus is a planet and a razor and she says "and a song".....well hell, there went the laughter........and yes, Emma said it "I'm your penis" to the tune of the song(I'm your Venus). I didn't think we would ever stop laughing!! I know my children are warped just like there mom, but damn it, we have a good time. I did tell them I never wanted to hear the word penis come out of their mouths again.