Tagged, but not in the ass!

I'm gonna do it because I don't have time to tell you about my weekend until later. Slutbag and Farmboy are the 2 so far that have tagged me. Here are my 8 things I would look for in a perfect man:
1: funny
2: not funny looking
3: witty & smart
4: horny
5: Likes to give as well as recieve
6: genuinely sweet without being a big sissy
7: knows how to respect women and treat them as an equal
8: just add "in bed" to all of those

If you match my profile, then you are tagged, but you have to let me know! Have a wonderful week!

Not really Half-Naked Thursday!

Sorry all, I have been super busy! More skin next Thursday.

Glad it wasn't me!

I have a funny work story to tell!
One of my co-workers(Terry) lives outside of town and has a big golden retriever. He let the dog out to use the restroom as usual, but when she came back in she smelled horrible. She had a run-in with a skunk! The dog proceeded to rub herself all over the carpet and the walls trying to remedy the situation. Terry got her into the garage and went to the internet to figure out what to do. He found several home products including tomato juice that was supposed to work. Terry’s wife called the vet to see if they had any ideas….and sure enough they did. They told her that tomato juice was only a temporary fix. She called Terry on the phone and was laughing so hard she could barely talk. The Vet had told her to use douche. DOUCHE? That is fucking hilarious! Now, Terry and his wife are quite religious and proper, so for her to say douche must have been a laugh in itself. On top of that, she had to be seen at Wal-mart in our small town buying enough douche to cover a big hairy mutt. Something shity like that is always happening to me, so to hear that story just made my day and I had to pass it on. Happy week everyone!

Yes, I am Megan!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Megan!

1. Antarctica is the only continent without Megan!
2. There are 336 dimples on Megan.
3. The pupil of an octopus's eye is shaped like Megan!
4. The liquid inside Megan can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
5. Abraham Lincoln, who invented Megan, was the only US president ever granted a patent.
6. The first domain name ever registered was Megan.com.
7. Contrary to popular belief, Megan is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases she may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol!
8. Koalas sleep for 22 hours a day, two hours more than Megan.
9. It's bad luck to put Megan on a bed.
10. The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr Megan Head.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Go check out Ubie, I got this from her!

Are You Shy??

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.
Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.
Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.
Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.
Tequila® may not be right for everyone.Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind

Happy HNT Folks!

A Bit Moist Today

You know how your shower is supposed to spray individual streams of water? Well, mine quit doing that yesterday and started coming out in one big stream. What a piece of shit. Needless to say I got to go shopping for a new shower head. Yipee! I decided it would be cool to have one of those rain shower heads, but I heard it is hard to use those if you don’t want to wash your hair every time you shower. So, from the advice of a friend I compromised and bought a 5” version of the rain shower head that is attached to a shaft. Holy shit, everything I talk about ends up sounding sexual. Why is that? Anyway, I love it! It is totally adjustable and being 5’10”, I don’t enjoy doing the shower limbo. It was cheap too, only $25. The only thing that is missing now is the hose sprayer with a massaging end on it. That will be my next purchase!

What a Blow Hole

I am going to be totally lame and I am sorry, but I am so busy. All you get today from me is a joke I found entertaining. She is a whale after my own heart.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female:

"Let's both swim under the ship and blow out our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

This they tried, and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.Soon; however, the whales realized the sailors were swimming to the safety of the shore.

Enraged, the male whale told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look!" she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to
swallow the seamen!"

Not a New BOB!

You are never going to believe this….I have yet another product to endorse. I love this thing! It is a power scrubber by Black and Decker. I was getting pissed by all the scum around my bathroom sink and drain I couldn’t get off, so I bought the damn thing to try it out. I squirted a little Lime-Away in the sink, turned on the scrubber and in no time at all my sink looked brand new. I was so excited I headed into the kitchen to try it on some pans. It is so cool, it almost makes me want to clean! You can even use it under water!!
Now, if Black and Decker would only come up with a fully submersible vibrator, I would be the first one in line! Have a great weekend ya’ll!!

Happy HNT Bee-awtches!

Hey, it's the best I could do at work, gimme a break!

Maybe I'll try some wanna-be cleavage next Thursday.

Take a Pill!

For some reason several of my posts have been some kind of product endorsement. I guess that’s okay since I am a product whore and will try just about anything a friend tells me to. Sometimes they work, sometimes they suck!
Well, I have a product today that I think will be helpful to all who read this. Everyone I know is sick, recovering or just getting sick, so I want to help put an end to all of this. I started taking “Elderberry Defense” last year when I started getting sick and didn’t want to fork out the money to pay a high priced Doctor to give me a prescription for some anti-biotics. What I found was that these supplements are amazing. Here are the ingredients:

Elderberry contains naturally occurring vitamin C, fruit acids, traces of essential oil and anthocyanic pigments. Scientific studies indicate that elderberry may have antiviral activity. Echinacea (added to this formula) is the most popular herb in America for the immune system; it is mild and suitable for all ages.

As soon as I feel the sneezing, coughing, or that tickle in my throat (shut up pervs), I will start taking them and the next day I start feeling better. I have also given them to my daughters. They are a “Nature’s Sunshine” product. I don’t belong to their club, so I pay full price, but it is worth it and cheaper than the Doctor’s visit.
I would love to know if anyone else has tried it and what you thought.

Death Becomes Her

This is a quickie post just to say I am back and will be visiting everyone’s blogs soon (be afraid).
I do have to tell you a little about the funeral I went to last weekend. It wasn’t your average funeral. There was a memorial service on Sunday where family and friends from the town Gladys was living in could get together. I thought the preacher would do a short sermon and we would leave, but instead he started telling funny stories and telling about practical jokes she liked to play. Then, he opened it up to family and friends to tell stories. It was really great! That’s what I want…people laughing at the silly things I have done. On Monday was the real funeral in her home town. I just assumed it would be a depressing occasion with everyone whaling through what the funeral home guy had to say. Instead, her daughter got up and told a couple more stories and also quoted some of her “famous” sayings. She told us about all the concerts Gladys loved to go to and that she always had a huge supply of glow sticks to take with her. When they played the very last song before we left, we all waved the glow sticks that had been passed out. It was wonderful, but too hard to get through the whole song without sobing. I am so glad to be back home, now I just have to get over the crud and get back to my old self!

T.G.I.F.

It has been the longest, crappiest week. I’m venting, I apologize, but I don’t talk to people in the real world much about the shitty stuff because I am supposed to be the always cheerful one with a smile on her face who loves everything about life. Anyway, I have had to take way too much sick time lately because of sick kids. Being a single mom is usually pretty great until you need someone to stay home. All my co-workers have grown children or are married and have forgotten what it was like when they are ill. Enough on that, here’s the real downer…If you have followed any of my blog you know that I have been recently divorced. It has been wonderful because we get along much better, see each other less and he(Sam) has realized how much he took my friendship for granted. He comes from a truly screwed up family and I won’t get into the details of that (yet, unless I need some funny redneck material someday). So, the one person on his Dad’s side of the family who made everything normal and good and I loved her so, was his Stepmom (Gladys). Well, she died suddenly yesterday of a stroke. WTF??!! Why of all the fucked up people in the world and his family did it have to be her? She made Christmas fun and exciting with her unique games and gift exchanges. Thanksgiving was always enjoyable with the great food and togetherness. Now what is to happen? Her family and Sam’s Dad’s family are not going to make an effort to get together. Gladys was the glue! She was also taking care of Dad while he was going through cancer treatment. Why do we loose the ones we need the most? My faith is not wavering, but I always have so many questions when I lose someone close.
All I can say is that when I am gone I don’t want everyone to be sad for me. Yea, you hear that all the time, but I really mean it. I am so fulfilled when I can cheer someone up or make them smile. I want everyone to think of the funny(or drunken) times they had with me and stupid things I said to make them laugh. Don’t cry for me Argentina!!

Made in Kansas!

Free Range Chicken Poop? For your lips? Not sure where the marketing team was going with this, other than shock value. Leave it to a Kansas hillbilly to come up with a name like that. Of course it worked for me and I had to try it! The designers only had to spend a couple minutes with the art, it reminds me of the black label products in the good ole days. Chicken Poop does make your lips smooth and it is becoming a popular wide spread trend. If you have not tried it, you better run right out and get some. I have posted the description as seen on the website.

The quick fix for rock stars. You're gonna love this stuff!
Put it on your lips, put it on your finger tips, put it just about anywhere your skin organ is needing a bit of TLC. Chicken Poop is made of the finest ingredients: Beeswax, soybean oil, lavender, sweet orange, jojoba (SPF 3).

I love the part where they talk about skin organ. Jiggs will need to get some for his skin organ member Charles! I like the word jojoba…jojoba, say it with me. I hope everyone is having a great start to the new year. I know you poop loving fans will have a good time with this product!