Another week?

Good morning kids! I should be back full force this week with nothing constructive or informational to say as usual.
I am so tired from the weekend, it really took it out of me. I went to Manhattan and took pictures of a huge wedding. It was emotionally tiresome and I am glad it is over. I have been shooting weddings for about 8 years and it never ceases to amaze me how much money people waste on the damn things! Do you realize a year of planning is over in 2 hours? Go elope on a fucking beach people. Your family and friends don't really give a shit if they really see you get married. If your parents freak, take them with you and get them tanked, they will get over it.
Do you realize that the only thing you are left with after a wedding is the pictures? Why would you ask Uncle George who has the only camera in the family to shoot your wedding? You just spent $2,000 dollars on a dress, pay for a good photographer you dumb ass! So, that is my humble advice for you stupid....excuse me, nieve people thinking about getting married.
The great thing about the wedding I just shoot was the fact it was not in my town. The couple paid for my travel and put me up in a nice motel. I took a friend and we made it a party weekend. Can't go wrong there! There was even a shuttle that took us to the party spot. It was fun, but damn it takes me longer to recover from drinking than it used to. Back in the day I would get up, take a shit and an asprin and I would be good to go. Now I have to wait until about noon before I can get it all out. That sucks when you are on the road driving! On a happy note, my co-ed ball starts tonight....yippee....men, beer and balls, can't beat that!

Sorry!

I have been a lousy blogger this week! I am so overwhelmed trying to get caught up from vacation and getting ready to shoot a wedding this weekend that I have barely had time to schedule in restroom breaks. I should be back on track next week and I will post a double HNT!! I am missing you all and hope you come back on Monday!!

I will leave you with one reason not to leave your kids alone!! I would love to hear the audio of what that kid sounded like when mom took the pad off his little weiner!

I'm back!

Vacation was wonderful, but I am swamped at work. We got a new server while I was gone and I am pretty much the IT person here, so of course my computer is all screwed up and I just now could log on.

I am mainly here to wish Lisa a Happy Birthday!!! I didn't want her to think I forgot since I can't use my e-mail or IM and won't have time to call her until tonight. I love you babe and hope you have a great birthday!!

I will visit and talk to you all very soon. Miss you!

I'm leaving!

PSYCH! You thought I was shutting down like so many other pussies around here didn't ya? No way, my life is boring, but I'm sure not done talking about it. This is my on line record of events and thoughts in my life.....so in a few weeks when I can't remember shit, I can look back and read about it. So, if it bores people or I can't post everyday....tough shit.
Anyway, I am just going on a mini vacation and taking my girls to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun in Kansas City(the picture to the right is the new roller coaster "the Patriot"). They are big thrill seekers like their mom and love big fast rides. Even the 7 year old likes those huge roller coasters. She could barely wait to be tall enough to ride stuff. We used to put her in heeled tennis shoes and pile her hair in a big pony tail on top of her head to create height. They are both lucky to be so tall and could squeak by when they were 5. The older one went through the same thing. I am just so damn lucky to have such great kids and that we are all very compatible together. I would go crazy if I had to raise a couple of sissy bitches. Well, I plan to be back here on Wednesday, so in the mean time miss me and don't desert me!! Okay, fine....I will really miss you guys.

I feel like ass!!

Didn't roll in until 3am, so an old HNT is all I got to give....sorry about that!! Happy Half Naked Thursday anyway!

It's a strong coffee morning!

and I'm not wearing a bra.....wake me up!!

Dumb shit

It is so hard to post during the week since my life is so redundant! I think I will just throw out some random shit today...

I played ball last night (of course), but I pitched for the first time in 2 years and did awesome, we even run ruled them. YAYYY! The team asked why I wasn't the first string pitcher. I don't like to toot my own horn except on my blog, so I never told anyone I used to pitch in fast pitch...oops! My last women’s league game is Wednesday at 9:45pm. I will not have my girls and we are starting our drinking at 6:30. It should be a very interesting game. Another team asked me to fill in on their team at 8:45...I warned them!

One more softball thing...I was asked to play on 2 different co-ed teams in 2 separate leagues....and I said yes. 4 nights a week...I am in idiot! At least I won't have an excuse to not exercise!!(Bonus: 2 sets of men on each team)...shit I'm a horn dog.

I am going on a family vacation to KC on Friday...yippee! I know it’s not far, but it will still be fun. I don’t like long car rides!

My oldest daughter is at Girl Scout camp all week. It’s strange how easy it is to take care of only 1 kid. Man I have awesome kids...just sayin’.

The fucking cat misses Sierra and squalls at about 6am every morning. I like cats a little less everyday! If you have never heard a Bengal cry…..let’s just say it’s not quiet or pleasing! I keep throwing things at her, but my aim sucks lying down (as with many men) lol had to throw that in.

I'm having serious issues posting pictures in blogger. It says they are downloaded and then they don't show up....stupid fucker!

That’s enough...talk to ya’ll later!!

I love being single!!

I went out Saturday night to an event in a town about 10 miles from me called the “After Harvest Festival”. Yes, it is like the squash festival they show in “Doc Hollywood”. All the small town folks get together and show off their tractors and old cars in a parade while the little barefoot, redneck kids run around in the street chasing melted candy, then they have a beer garden and a big dance. I particularly like the beer garden myself!! The greatest part is that you can bring your own coolers into the park where the dance is and sit around on lawn chairs getting hammered with about 300 other people….good times!
I got the opportunity to play the lifeguard card that night. What is that you say? Well, remember when some of you were young and went to the pool and followed around your favorite hottie lifeguard? In my town, that was me (back in the day). Anyway, while sitting back in my chair chilling with a cold one, I noticed one of the most gorgeous guys I had seen in a while. I said to my hooker friend “OMG, look at that guy”. She told me that was Thomas such and such. I sat there for a while pondering the name and realized he was one of the older pool rats that hung around me. He is only 6 years younger, but when he was 16, that was too young. Now he is 29….BONUS! I didn’t approach him until after the dance when we were at the bar and it was about to close. We walked by him and my friend introduced me. He said “yea, I know who you are”. It was on! He stared right through me with his sexy blue eyes and I knew I would be leaving with him. Don’t start cheering for me getting laid yet, because there is more to the story. My friend hooked up with his friend and we went back to his place. After some perverted conversation between the four of us, Thomas said the phrase to end all phrases…. “I got outta prison 2 months ago”. WTF, shit! Just my luck….the hot guy is flawed….in a big way. Just about anything else would not have been a deal breaker, but that was too much. Who knows where his manhood had been….damn. It was on some drug charges and he is clean now. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I am just not going there.

I do have a question for you all though. Should it matter who I hang around if I am having fun? I ask this because my friend that I have been going out with lately has a reputation for sleeping around…a lot! In my town….as in other smaller communities, the rumors are horrible. I don’t care so much about that because I am having so much fun, but should I? I imagine in a few weeks I will be considered a big whore too just because we are seen together. Do I let the rumors fly and not worry about it or should I be more careful?

Thirsty??

I'm always so wet! Happy HNT!!

Sorry I wasn't around yesterday...I was too busy! I'm a wittle seepy today. I almost put my lip liner around my eyes....that's not a good thing. Hopefully today I can play around and visit everyone!!

U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi

I looked through all the albums to find the butt ugliest pictures of me and these 2 are what I found! I know I embarrassed Madonna....er I mean Lisa a while back with a semi-corny picture of her, but since I don't embarrass, I thought I would settle for entertain. This first one is my Molly Ringwald "Pretty in Pink" phase at my Freshman dance. Believe it or not....I didn't start becoming cool until my Sophomore year....and now I have it mastered. *head expands*

There is a story behind dork pic #2. I stayed the night with my Grandparents the night before my 4th grade pictures because my parents were out of town. Now, my Grandparents didn't have kids until their late 40's. My Granny was born in 1908 and my Grandpa was older than her.....so you can imagine the generation gap. Well, my Granny liked to do what you call "Pin Curls". For those of you that don't know what that is....you take a small section of hair and twist it into a loop and pin it to your head with a bobby pin. This creates lovely, frizzy curls all over your head when removed. I was horrified the next morning when we took them out, but of course she loved it. I went to school like that in tears and to make it better, my principal pulls out his handy dandy comb and tried to straighten it down for me. Ugh...men! So, as you can see, my mom was not thrilled to get my school pictures and my Granny never did my hair again!

I played Cowboys and Indians!!

I had the greatest weekend! Which makes 2 weekends in one month….that’s a record….so far. I’m gonna brag and I’m gonna tell you about it, cuz that’s what havin' my own blog is all about. I was a little naughty, but it wasn’t like playing Doctor….that always gets out of hand. My daughters left with their Dad at noon on Friday, so it was a very free weekend. I went to a bar and had a couple drinks right after work, then about 4 beers at a men’s softball game, then we hit another bar for the rest of the night where we continued to drink more. I played lots of pool and got hit on by a very good looking half Indian with a killer body. I got way more tanked than I planned, cuz I gave him my phone number and he called me about 30 minutes after I got home from the bar. I had to get off the phone with him so I could puke and then when I called him back, I have no idea what I said, but I woke up in the morning and I wasn’t on the phone anymore….hopefully I didn’t hang up on him…..or tell him all my deep dark secrets. I won’t be persuing that anyway…I talked to a friend of mine and found out she dated him for about 2 months and he was very possessive…can’t have that!!
So, Saturday was great! I went down to the lake with a cooler of beer and a couple good buddies and drank until about 7pm, then we showered and headed to a rodeo in a small town about 40 miles away. I have never actually watched a whole rodeo, so I was excited to see some guys get thrown into the dirt by a big stud. It turned out to be quite a night. My High School sweetheart that I dated for 2 years was from that town and I was shocked when several of his old buddies were in the rodeo and also there to watch and even remembered me. We ended up all hanging out and partying together at the end of the night. I was drawn to one guy in particular that was in the ropin’ competition. He is from that town, but about 2 years younger than me. We went to a party and then he said he needed to leave to feed one of his horses and asked if I wanted to come. Well hell, who would pass that up? Of course now the new code with my friend and I for going home with someone is to “feed the horse”. Lol I still can’t believe I got in his truck and took off into the country with him. The guy is around 6 foot 6 inches. When we got to his ranch, I started laughing because he had a 20 foot teepee in his back yard. It was the coolest thing ever. So, we fed the horse and ended up hanging out in the teepee for 3 hours talking. Talking? What guy wants to talk for that long…geez! I know I’m interesting, but damn! Then, we headed into the house and he showed me around. He had 3 dear heads and several other skins hanging around….creepy! We then decided to head back to town cuz it was about 6am and I didn’t want my friend leaving me. He had been such a gentleman until we were on our way out the door. I commented about some beads he had hanging from a set of horns and he said I could have a set if I showed him my tits. That threw me off and I laughed and said what the hell. I just kinda assumed he was going to attack me and instead he untucked his shirt to cover a hard on….that was hilarious!! I know I could have made a move, but it’s just not like me to do that….and I wasn’t sure I would have followed through. We discussed why he hadn’t made a move, on the way back to town and he said he was just really into our conversations. That’s actually pretty sweet, so I had to give the guy credit. When we got back to town, my hooker friend was asleep with the guy she hooked up with and I couldn’t find her keys or wake her, so I just ended up staying with the cowboy. I made it home about 11am and went straight to bed until the girls came home.
I hope you all had a great weekend too!! I’m tired!

Yikes!

As promised to the Lone Ranger....I am posting my yearbook picture. Yes, I am wearing a shirt, it's just white and off the shoulder. Gotta love the feathered hair!!

Happy 4th

The 4th of July is a significant date in my world, other than the fact it is Independence Day. My Dad died 9 years ago yesterday and the 4th is always a time to look back and remember him. He was quite a character and I imagine I get my warped sense of humor from him. He was not my birth father, but he did adopt me when I was 5 and raise me. We thought we had a good handle on his cancer and that it was going into remission, but 2 weeks before his death it just took over. He held on for about 4 days while his body was shutting down just so he could go out with a bang….silly man! It made a huge impact on my life and my oldest daughter was only 2, so neither girls will ever know him. I don’t think I would have ended up in a crappy marriage if he would have stayed around. I met my ex 4 months after my Dad died. My Dad would have hated him and I probably would have listened…..even though my Mom and all my friends advised against him too. I’m just stupid like that!


Anyway, this 4th was a blast. My girls are at perfect ages for lots of mayhem and they are in no way sissy girls. We blew stuff up, threw things and tried to set stuff on fire….good fun! They love their smoke bomb writing! The retarded boy from across the street came out of his house by himself with a bag of firecrackers and started lighting them and throwing them. His mom is a piece of work. The boy can barely see and had the punk and fuse less than 2 inches from his face when he lit them. He was too slow on one and it popped in his hand….poor guy! I went over and told him to go in and run cold water on it. After a couple hours, we went down to the lake and shot off waterproof firecrackers in the water. Then we went to a BBQ at my Mom’s house and shot off night works before heading out to the annual fireworks show. My town has one of the biggest most expensive shows in the state….we are very proud and people come from all over to see it! It lasts about 20 minutes and the whole thing is set to music over 1 of the radio stations. I hope you all had as much! It really sucks to be back to work today, ugh!

Final Episode

Saturday was good fun! We started at the bar at 4pm....damn early, but well worth it. We needed to get prepared for the fight. Drinking was had by all and we figured out a way to get liquor into a dry campus(we're so sneaky). I took an assload of pictures of the fight, but with a crappy throw-away, either my finger was in the way or it was too dark. I did get one of SHS that you can barely see. Hopefully PBC's camera did a better job. Next time they will know to take the camera away from me once I start getting silly!

After the fight we hit another bar. SHS got his drink on finally and had to play some catch up. After the bar, we headed to Anna's place where PBC made himself at home on the couch. He's lucky all he got was an ass grindin' by Anna.

At last, the lone survivors of the 3am munchies.

I sure can't wait to get back there!

Finishing Friday

The Friday night BBQ brought out quite a bit of hilarity. We got to witness a young man in his early coming out. Who's kid is that anyway?

Anna enjoyed Pearl's potato salad as much as I did (great drunk food)!

Wanna dip? Anna sure loves PBC's habits....including, chewing, farting and showing butthole.

Here we have a final Friday farwell from Scumbag and PBC....so classy!